Dear Riggs

If these pictures don't show Rigg's personality then I don't know what does.  I probably sound like a broken record saying this over and over again, but he is my angel.  He has reminded me to laugh and soak up life's beautiful moments more.  He is everything I needed at this time of life.  I love my baby girl Reese and hate to keep harping on this, but she really is going through some pre-terrible twos and the tantrums get to me sometimes.  If Riggs wasn't here to keep me smiling, things could get ugly real quick.  Haha.  I love my baby boy.  Just looking at these pictures makes me want to cry happy tears!  

Thank you Riggs for being Momma's saving grace.  For giving me so many reasons to smile.  For smiling 24/7.  You keep us smiling.  You even get your sister to smile when she's upset because she can't have her way, and that is no easy task!  You mean the world to your daddy and I.  Sometimes after a long day when your dad and I are pretty exhausted from our busy lives right now, we might for a second wonder if we accelerated our life's events too quickly.  If we should've waited to have you.  But then it wouldn't have been you, and we wouldn't have you here to snuggle and to keep us smiling.  We couldn't be more grateful for your big presence in our little family.  Like your Grandma Hawl always said to your daddy when he was little...

I love you to the moon and back.

 ♥, Momma

Luke 1:31-33

And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name JESUS.

What You Don't See

I was going through my pictures on google plus (one of the best ways to keep track of pictures on your phone btw), and I came across this one.  This picture means a lot to me.  And I had totally forgotten about it.

This picture shows two parents obsessed with their little girl...but what you can't see about this picture is...

First of all we were in Columbia, South Carolina, I was 8.5 months pregnant, and we had just embarked on this crazy adventure across the country.

Second of all, I had just finished bawling my eyes out because I was nervous about a second kid, worried about Todd's new job, hated that Todd was gone ALL day and night, trying to navigate Reese's new-found tantrums and independence, and missing family and friends like crazy.

Thirdly, Todd had just crawled into bed with me and just hugged me.  Hugged me while I cried.  Hugged me while I let out all my worries and frustrations.  Then proceeded to tell me everything would be okay, and it was all gonna work out.  And without fail, every time he tells me that, I believed him.  No matter what tough thing we've gone through, we always believe each other that it's gonna be okay.  We know we'll always come out on top because we have each other.

Then Reese peeked in our room.  She had just woken up from her nap.  We had her in the pack and play but because of the twin bed next to her, she was always able to find a way to climb out of it.  When we realized she was peeking in at the door, she smiled behind her pink blanket, waiting for us to usher her in.  We said "Hi Reesey!" and the second we said hi she came barreling in the room and wrestled to climb up on the bed.  She made us both smile so big, all of our worries were erased.  We soaked up our baby girl and listened to Frozen music for like a half hour.

And then we snapped this picture.  Because we love our baby girl.  She is a light in our life.  She makes everything worth it.  We love you Reese.

Sap City Series {Daddy-daughter Edition}

I was looking through pictures from our summer in South Carolina, and these are two of my favorites.  Todd and Reese have such a special relationship.  I feel like I say that all the time, but they really do.  As my baby girl gets older and older each day, I realize how precious moments like these are.  I'm feeling pretty sappy right now, so if you can't tell this is going to be a sappy post, SO...brace yourself.  

Today was General Conference for our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I heard inspiring words from some of my favorite people.  The leaders of my church.  They spoke things to my heart that meant so much to me I can hardly figure out how to put it into words.  So for the sake of self-preservation haha, I'm not going to even try.  But I will say that at the end of those meetings (even if I feel asleep here and there lol), I left inspired.  I left feeling ready to conquer the world.  I left feeling peace.  Such overwhelming peace.  A peace that I've been seeking for a little while now.  Life has just been going so fast.  Too fast.  My baby girl will be two in December.  My baby boy is almost 4 months.  Time is flying.  I found myself aching for my baby Reese today.  My 4 month old little Reese.  Wanting to hold her and rock her until she fell asleep in my arms. 

My children and husband are my world.  I have so much love for them.  Children are such angelic little humans.  Don't get me wrong, Reese throws tantrums like the best of them and Riggs fights sleeps like a pro, but they truly are freaking sweethearts.  I love them.  And I'm so lucky to be their momma.

In one of the talks today, it was said that..."Right now is eternity," (Dieter F. Uchtdorf).

I've been thinking about that phrase all day today....right now is my eternity.  Today I felt that.  I really felt that.  I hope I remember how today felt when the days are really hard.  On the days that I can barely function because I'm so sleep deprived.  On the days that Todd really gets under my skin.  Because we're not perfect, and sometimes we get on each other's nerves.  On the days that Rigg's explodes through FOUR outfits in less than an hour.  True story y'all.  On the days that Reese has a million meltdowns because she can't find the words to express what she wants, and I can't read her mind.  On all those types of days, I hope that at the end of them, I can find it in myself to remember to see blessings instead of burdens.  

I hope y'all have had a great Saturday and have an even better Sunday.

XO,Me

#sapcityseries

"There comes a point, when you have to just live.  You have to just move on.  Move way on.

Not that you have to forget or ignore the hard times.  Of course you have to acknowledge the pain and hurt, but I have learned that when I stop thinking about myself and about what others think about me, I use that energy and focus it on productive things like; my children, my spirituality, my dedication to the Lord, my family, and my husband.  

I can push harder, faster, and get myself healthier.  It's hard to do, especially when my body hurts.  This is certainly a process, but I feel stronger, and I know that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass and great things did come to pass and do come to pass for me.  I move faster now, I am stronger, and have confidence in myself.  

I started appreciating the things that I could do and stopped focusing on the things that I couldn't do, and it has changed my life." (Stephanie Nielson)

"There comes a point, when you just have to live.  You have to just move on.  Move way on."

Becoming a mother has made me re-evaluate who I am about a million times haha.  It has changed me and molded me and reminded me of who I am and who I want to be.  Who Ashton is.  I keep realizing over and over again that there are very distinct things that make me who I am.  I feel like I'm finally coming to realize that how I mother and who I am as a person is more than enough.  Even if sometimes I feel like I fall short or lose my patience, I will always be enough.  And I feel like Stephanie really hit the nail on the head when she said, there comes a point, when you just have to live!  Amen!  

Buns and I have talked a lot about this lately, and we're sick of trying to do or be what we think everyone wants us to be or who we think we should be, and we should just start LIVING.  We should do what we love and discover the things we love.  We should just be ourselves and care less about what others think.  You don't have to please everyone.  Bottom line.  We decided we need to fall back in love with life, and be more grateful for the opportunity we have each day to make it a beautiful day.  Not because we do anything grand or extraordinary, but because we make the ordinary every day things into something special and something valued.  We've been talking about how we genuinely just need to enjoy the ride more and have more fun together.  And I think it's finally clicked!  We're excited about what's in store!

Cheers to just living.

♥, Me 

Mush & Memories {Buns Edition}

Dear Buns,

(FYI: I wrote this last week but never finished it, so this was last week's FHE)

Yesterday for FHE we went out to eat at Callie's Cafe, and now I'm obsessed.  I'm still thinking about those hashbrowns.  Those perfectly crispy, delicious hashbrowns.  I love that you share my love for breakfast for dinner.  We took Roni obviously, and she couldn't have been more fun.  She was lovin' it too and gobbled up her pancakes.  She was laughing a lot, we were laughing a lot, and I felt so, so happy.  I don't know if it's the pregnancy emotions getting to me or what, but lately I've been so aware of little moments like that.  I'm not always aware of those moments.  Sometimes I let things get me stressed, overwhelmed, or angry.  I forget to live in the moment and be grateful for all God's given us.

But yesterday.

Yesterday was a slice of heaven.  I felt giddy holding your hand.  I kept looking at you as the father of my children, and it only made you hotter.  Especially when we went for Cold Stone ice cream after and sat in the same spot we sat when we went on our first date.  Thinking about sitting at that table on our first date three years prior and comparing it to the present, you holding Reese, about to be Dad to a baby boy...it was pretty cool to say the least.  I felt that same giddiness I felt when we were on our first date. 

I was listening to my Miranda Lambert Pandora station at work, and one of our songs came on.  "Makin' Plans" by Miranda herself.  I use to listen to this on repeat the summer we dated on those long drives back from working in Salt Lake.  I would sit in the car, singing along to this song, feeling so happy, I thought my heart would burst.  So much anticipation on those drives home from Salt Lake.  I couldn't wait to see you.  You had work at Finish Line most week nights until 10pm and I had to leave for work in the mornings at 5:45am, but I would wait up for you anyways, and we would hang out until the wee hours of the night.  You know I don't do well without my sleep, so you know it was true love because I stayed up to hang out with you even if it meant I only got five hours of sleep on the weeknights.   

 I loved dating you.  I loved being with you.  Everything was always so comfortable and fun.  It just continued to be right day after day.  You filled a part of me that I didn't know could be filled.  You really became my very best friend.  

So when you asked me to marry you just 3 months later, it was so natural to say yes.  I know we're still fresh, only 2 and a half years into this whole marriage thing, but I can honestly say I am even happier than I was the day I said yes.  You make me the happiest woman!  You make life fun, meaningful, and all things amazing.  

Love you forever Buns.

❤, Me 

There Will Come a Day

“There will come a day...There will come a day when she no longer wants to hold my hand.  So I will hold it while I still can.  There will come a day when she no longer tells me what’s on her mind.  So I will listen while she still wants to talk to me.  There will come a day when she no longer says, “Watch me, Mama!”  So I will observe and encourage while I still can.  There will come a day when she no longer invites me to eat school lunch with her.  So I will join her while I still can.  There will come a day when she no longer needs my help to bake cookies or hit the tennis ball in the sweet spot.  So I will stand beside her gently guiding and instructing while I still can.  There will come a day when she no longer wants my opinion about clothes, friendship, death, and heaven.  So I will share my views while she still wants to hear them.  There will come a day when she no longer allows me to hear her prayers and her dreams.  So I will fold my hands and absorb every word while I still can.  There will come a day when she no longer sleeps with her beloved stuffed animal.  And that day may come sooner than I think.  Because sometimes unexpected events happen, causing the days to rush by, the years to tumble ahead. Sometimes what I thought I would have time to do, like listen to her laugh, wipe her tears, breathe her scent, and hold her close, will no longer be available to me.  What I thought I had all the time in the world to do, may no longer be an option.  The little pink dog that my child must now learn to sleep without after eight precious years reminds me that tomorrow may not allow for all the things I planned to do.  So instead of being too busy, too tired, or too distracted when she seeks my love and attention, I will be ready and waiting to make her a well-loved child while I still can.” (Rachel Stafford in Hands Free Mama)

Snuggle Bug

Snuggles from our baby girl when she was sick earlier last week.  Reese has never really been a snuggler.  Never been that baby that just rests on your shoulder or cuddles up with you.  She's always on the move and likes her independence.  But when she's sick, as much as it breaks my heart, I gotta say I love the cuddles.  The picture of me and her was taken by Buns while we were watching Sesame Street.  Have I mentioned Reese's love for Sesame Street?  We watch one show each day when she wakes up from her morning nap, and it's hysterical how she smiles SO big when the song for Sesame Street comes on.  Elmo's her favorite.  It's pretty cool to see how she's making connections.  Like for example, this chick LOVES books.  She could sit entertained for a solid hour just me reading her books.  Lately she picks out the two Sesame Street books we have EVERY time.  As we're flipping through the book, she points to Elmo whenever he shows up!  It's pretty cool to see her little mind making those connections!  

We sure love our girl and are glad she's back to her normal self!  Now off to the doctor's for shots.  #holla

4 more days 'till Friday!! Can't it be the weekend already?

♥, Ashton Tilton

Christmas Morning 2014

Christmas Eve and Day!  We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with Buns' family this year.  Christmas Eve dinner Buns' family has bratwurst and tamales for their traditional dinner.  I can't say I'm into the bratwurst haha (it's a Barrett thing), but I loooove the tamales.  Mix with some eggs, and you've got the yummiest concoction that's ever hit your tastebuds. 

After dinner, Bill and Hawley (Buns' parents) shared a Christmas message with us, and we hung paper ornaments on the tree that had Christmas scriptures on the back.  I'm so grateful for my Savior, and even though I know we should keep Christ close to our hearts all year long, I love the opportunity I have to reflect on His impact in my life every year at Christmas.

Click here for what we tried to focus on this Christmas.

The painting below is a painting I had never seen before by one of my favorite LDS artists, Greg Olsen entitled, "Take My Hand".  This painting totally set the mood for our Christmas this year.  Todd and I were walking through Deseret Books a week before Christmas, and I saw this painting on the wall.  I immediately fell in love with it.  It made me think about our son on his way.  It made me think about the relationship I hope our children have with Christ.  That they know how much Christ loves them and that he is one of their dearest friends.   

After the family devotional, everyone got the kids ready for bed.  It was so fun to see my older nieces (2,4,5) getting cookies, carrots, and lettuce for Santa and the reindeer.  Their excitement was contagious.  I can't wait until Reese knows what's going on, and we can share that excitement with her!  

Once the kids were all put to bed, we played some games (including Pit which was nice because that's a classic game in my own family) and got all the pressies and stockings ready for Christmas morning!  I have the fondest memories of Christmas Eve for many reasons, but one of which being that once the secret was out (shhhhh*) and I was a little older, my mom would let me help wrap all the gifts and stuff stockings.  It is seriously one of my favorite Christmas memories spending that time with my mom and getting all excited about the next morning.  She wrapped our gifts in our own special color ribbon.  I used to love that touch.  We didn't get a chance to watch It's A Wonderful Life on Christmas Eve like we normally do in my family, but Todd promised we'd watch it Christmas Day.

Even though I missed my family horribly for the holidays this year, it was really cool to share in traditions that Todd grew up with.  To share a part of his childhood with him.  I'll never forget Christmas Day, he made a comment about how he hadn't been at his home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day since before his mission (almost 5 years).  I could tell he was so happy to be there, even though he was bummed I couldn't be with my family.  And the funniest thing happened.  I put myself in his shoes and found myself getting super emotional and happy that we were able to spend the night for Christmas Eve, and he was able to experience Christmas like he did when he was a kid.  I know it can't and won't always be like that.  Pretty soon here, we will do Christmas in our own home and start developing our home traditions, but it was nice.  Like I said before, really great to get a glimpse into his childhood Christmases.  Because I know how special Christmas is to me when I get to spend it with my family, and when we got to go home to Tennessee for Todd and I's first Christmas together, I was so happy to share that with Todd.  And I know he was happy to share his with me.  It really was a beautiful Christmas.

  

Christmas morning, Reese and Todd slept in until about 8:30, but I was up at 7:30 ready for the party!  Haha.  As soon as Reese made a peep, I shook Todd and told him Reese was up, it's go time!  So we went downstairs, and all the cousins were already up starting to open their pressies from Santa, and it was just wonderful.  Their excitement and sweetness was the cutest.  We let Reese "open" her presents first, which were some boards books, safari animal toys, and clothes.  She's obsessed with little figurines and trinkets, so the animal figurines were a hit.  She just likes to walk around with them.  And chew them.  Then Todd and I exchanged gifts.  Todd is the cutest when he buys presents for me.  Once I've opened it (and always love it), he reassures me throughout the whole day that if I don't like it, we can return it and get what I want (insert laughing-so-hard-I'm-crying emoji here).  He's a cutie. 

Then we had some leftover tamales and eggs for breakfast which was BOMB.  Did I mention I love tamales?  Throw a little hot sauce on those babies, and I can destroy a serious plate full.  And of course, we also had to have some of our favorite cereal from our stockings.  That's a tradition that Todd's parents did with them on Christmas morning.  They gave them their favorite sugar cereal and soda pop.  That's a tradition I'd love to continue.  So Todd got Cinnamon Life of course, and I got Berry Captain Crunch.  HOLLA.  I haven't gotten that cereal in YEARS because I can never justify getting it, but Christmas tradition was all the justification I needed.  I had 5 bowls throughout the day.  And I thought of my dad every time because whenever we went on vacations or it was a holiday or he asked me to go on a drive with him to the grocery store, that was his top pick.  We both agreed that tearing apart the roof of your mouth every once in a while was worth it!

The rest of the day Todd and I got to just hang and relax and watch lots of The Office.  It was just what the doctor ordered.  

Hope y'all had a wonderful Christmas, and have a Happy New Year!

❤, Ashton Tilton

Seeing Santa for the First Time at Riverwoods

Reese's first time seeing Santa, and it was a success!  I totally expected her to freak out because she's got a history with being freaked out by beards (i.e. initially Todd's brothers and brother-in-law), haha.  I wouldn't say she loved it, but she half smiled eventually.  Most of the time she just stared though.  Then we grabbed her before it could get too cray cray haha.  It was fun though.  I have to say that I never knew how much it would mean to me to share Christmas with her.  She made everything a million times more fun for Todd and I. 

Here's Reese with her cousins.  This was as successful as it was gonna get! Haha.  Reese just kept wanting to rip her hat off and her cousins just wanted to run around and see all the lights.

I mean...can I point out for a second how handsome Buns is?  Especially toting our baby girl in his arms.  Holy hannah.

Loved sharing this Christmas together as a little family.  We feel so blessed to have Reese in our lives.  Christmas time this year was so special too because this time last year, Reese was less than a week old.  I hope Christmas always reminds me of when Todd and I became parents, bringing Roni into the world.  This Christmas that's mostly what I thought about anyways.  It was wonderful.  

Hope y'all had the merriest of Christmases!

❤, Ashton Tilton

Bean Dip, and I ain't talkin' Tostitos!

Sugar Butt, Roni-Roni, Sugar Bean, Bean Dip, Squishy, and Punkin Pants.  Want to know what your you're doing in this picture? You're trying to pull the cords out of the TV with your little pincer grib, and it was actually seriously entertaining to watch you try, so I pulled mad parenting skills and let you try.  You were so determined.  Your mouth hanging open in deep concentration.  Dad says that you get that from me.  Apparently when we play basketball, and I'm taking a jumpshot or schooling your dad, I hang my mouth open too.  And my tongue pops out.  Hopefully you don't inherit that quality haha.  Or maybe hopefully you do because your dad loves it.  He's a weirdo.

Reesey-Piecey.  Those chunky little legs will forever make me want to devour you.  They are oh so deliciously gooey, and I can't get enough of them.  Today I thought to myself, "Holy hellfire, you [Reese] are getting to be such a grown-up little girl!"  Your personality is out and about these days, and your dad and I are loving every second of it.  You do this thing where you cock your head to the side and smile that toothey grin.  Swooooooon.

You are one happy baby, sweet girl.  I feel like you're going to be one of my very best friends.  You like to collapse in my lap sometimes and look up at me with the silliest smile.  "This Little Piggy Went to Market" makes you laugh SO HARD.  It's hysterical!  Your dad and I can't stop doing it.  When you bear those teeth in out of control laughter, we lose it too!  Sweet merciful Roni, you make us happy.  Your eyes.  Those big blues.  They melt me, they really do.  I feel like we have inside jokes now.  I can see it in your eyes when we laugh about something or when Dad's being silly.  I can't wait 'till we can talk and laugh together.  I hope you always laugh as hard as you do now.  You have the most contagious laugh, and I have a feeling that you always will.

You're getting your little pincer grip down, and you love to pick up ANY little piece of ANYthing that you're not supposed to get into.  Then you like to give it a taste.  I guess that means mom has to be better about vacuuming.  Dang it.

You looove toast with jam these days, and you surprisingly love strawberries.  I thought they would be too tart, but girl, you love 'em!  You are starting to warm up to everyone around you.  You went through a little phase of "Stranger Danger" and didn't really have any desire to be around strangers.  But now you're warming up to the world, grinning that gorgeous smile at passers-by.  We went to Target today, and you were making flirty eyes with this 10-year-old boy who was making faces at you.  It was hilarious.  You kept looking up at me for approval, smiling the whole time!  It was pretty dang cute.

Last but not least, you are ACTIVE.  Oh my goodness you are so active.  You like to be moving around or walking along the couches.  ALWAYS.  If you have to be in my arms or in the carseat for too long, you get stir-crazy and start arching your back begging us to let you down or out, so you can get the wiggles out.  You love being outside.  If you're ever having a rough day (which really isn't very often), we go for a walk to the park to swing.  That ALWAYS cheers you up.  Oh my goodness....THE SWING.  The swing is your favorite.  It's like holy crap, we've hit the jackpot.  You can't get enough!  You'll swing for a solid 15 minutes laughing your head off.  It's so fun for your dad and I to see.  Did we mention, we're obsessed with you and love you more than you could possibly imagine?

'Cause we do.

❤, Ashton Tilton

a.k.a. Momma

On What You Say To Your Children

The Tongue of Angels: "We must be so careful in speaking to a child.  What we say or don't say, how we say it and when is so very, very important in shaping a child's view of himself or herself.  But it is even more important in shaping that child's faith in us and their faith in God.  Be constructive in your comments to a child...always.  Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they are fat or dumb or lazy or homely.  You would never do that maliciously, but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget...and to forgive.  And try not to compare your children, even if you think you are skillful at it.  You may say most positively that 'Susan is pretty, and Sandra is bright,' but all Susan will remember is that she isn't bright, and Sandra that she isn't pretty.  Praise each child individually for what that child is, and help him or her escape our culture's obsession with comparing, competing, and never feeling we are 'enough.'" (Jeffrey R. Holland)

Click here to read more.