Being a Wife and Mother

"Being a wife and a mother is probably one of the most extraordinary experiences and the most fulfilling experiences in my life, but at the same time it has been difficult being able to do the things I want to do, and also being responsible for you and your brother and your father."

"What does [Reese] need today?  What does [Riggs] need today?  What does Daddy need today?  Okay [Ashton], now before the day is done, you better make sure that you take care of yourself.  And that's a new thing for me....I had forgotten how to take care of myself."

"When you stop taking care of yourself and you get out of balance, then you really forget how to take care of others."

"We've been taught that taking care of yourself is a problem...the messaging we get in this country is that you have to completely sacrifice everything."

"The re-messaging that we need as mothers to have and gravitate to is that you have to take care of yourself in order to have the alignment and the power to take care of others at the capacity that we do."

"I have to be responsible enough to take care of me."

"I start making [my family] responsible for my happiness.  A lot of times we look to our men, our husbands and our boyfriends...and you're supposed to make me happy.  Because we've lost our way on how to make us happy."

"Each year, each day, I get more and more and more in balance, and I get more and more happy."

"The very thing that I thought would make Daddy, [Reese], and [Riggs] unhappy actually is fulfilling for you guys as well.  Even if it might not be tangible.  The more happy and fulfilled I am, it works for the family, and when I'm not, it doesn't."

"You have a right to be happy.  And your happiness is what fuels you from the inside."

♥, Ashton Tilton

"There comes a point, when you have to just live.  You have to just move on.  Move way on.

Not that you have to forget or ignore the hard times.  Of course you have to acknowledge the pain and hurt, but I have learned that when I stop thinking about myself and about what others think about me, I use that energy and focus it on productive things like; my children, my spirituality, my dedication to the Lord, my family, and my husband.  

I can push harder, faster, and get myself healthier.  It's hard to do, especially when my body hurts.  This is certainly a process, but I feel stronger, and I know that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass and great things did come to pass and do come to pass for me.  I move faster now, I am stronger, and have confidence in myself.  

I started appreciating the things that I could do and stopped focusing on the things that I couldn't do, and it has changed my life." (Stephanie Nielson)

"There comes a point, when you just have to live.  You have to just move on.  Move way on."

Becoming a mother has made me re-evaluate who I am about a million times haha.  It has changed me and molded me and reminded me of who I am and who I want to be.  Who Ashton is.  I keep realizing over and over again that there are very distinct things that make me who I am.  I feel like I'm finally coming to realize that how I mother and who I am as a person is more than enough.  Even if sometimes I feel like I fall short or lose my patience, I will always be enough.  And I feel like Stephanie really hit the nail on the head when she said, there comes a point, when you just have to live!  Amen!  

Buns and I have talked a lot about this lately, and we're sick of trying to do or be what we think everyone wants us to be or who we think we should be, and we should just start LIVING.  We should do what we love and discover the things we love.  We should just be ourselves and care less about what others think.  You don't have to please everyone.  Bottom line.  We decided we need to fall back in love with life, and be more grateful for the opportunity we have each day to make it a beautiful day.  Not because we do anything grand or extraordinary, but because we make the ordinary every day things into something special and something valued.  We've been talking about how we genuinely just need to enjoy the ride more and have more fun together.  And I think it's finally clicked!  We're excited about what's in store!

Cheers to just living.

♥, Me 

Dear Reese

Dear Reese,

"You are a very special person.  There is only one like you in the whole world.  There's never been anyone exactly like you before, and there never will be again.  Only you.  And people can like you exactly as you are." (Mr. Fred Rogers)

Know that.  Embrace that.  Don't forget how true it is.

Love, Momma

You Are So Much More

I stumbled across this article through this blog and was struck by all that this woman had to say about how "negative associations with food are so common in casual female conversations" and the effects it can have on woman who actually suffer from an eating disorder.  Body image and feeling confident in your own skin have always been topics I'm passionate about.  It started in college when I started the elementary education program and got into a volunteering program with adolescent girls in a youth detention facility in town.  One of the girls there suffered from a couple of eating disorders and at one of our group meetings, she shared her story with the group.  After hearing how she viewed herself and how her disorder plagued her throughout middle and high school, I was left really...sad.  I wanted to shake her, look her in the eyes, and say something along the lines of if only you understood how amazing and wonderful you are!  But over the years, after learning more and meeting more women with eating disorders, I quickly realized that it takes time, love, healing, and patience to overcome an eating disorder.  It definitely doesn't happen overnight.  Those years made me realize how powerful words are.  How important compassion is.  How much it matters that we are not judgmental or critical of those around us when we don't even know the half of their story.  I'm definitely not perfect at this and wish I was better, but I'd like to think "baby steps".  Each day trying a little harder to be more compassionate.

Quote from this article I loved...

"I encourage women to resist the urge to identify so heavily with their food and exercise habits. Stop the apologies and stream of self-inflicted insults from rolling off your tongue and onto the clean plate before you. Honor yourself for the souls you’ve touched rather than the office candy you didn’t. Love yourself through every bit of flesh that glows in your mirror’s reflection. Strive to be healthy, not skinny. The struggle of self-acceptance may never entirely cease, but it can become easier when you spend more time calling your unwavering strengths to attention instead of all the trite aspects of yourself that you consider to be flaws."

Quote from this talk I loved...

"So how do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love?  Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend.  As Thomas S. Monson said, 'That love never changes...It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful.  God's love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it].  It is simply always there.'  Never, ever doubt that, and never harden your heart.  Faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life...hold fast to the perfecting promises of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Believe in miracles.  I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost.  Hope is never lost.  If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior's own anguished example:  if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead."

February is National Eating Disorders Awareness Month, and February 22 through 28 is Eating Disorder Awareness Week. The National Eating Disorder Association aims to educate the public on the seriousness of this disease and to crush the many stigmas and myths surrounding it. If you are suffering, you are not alone and there are many people and resources that can help. Check out nationaleatingdisorders.org, anad.org, and nedawareness.org for more information.

This Girl Can

I meeaaan....how can you not love this? #thisgirlcan

Cheers to a new week!  Really looking forward to making it a great one!

❤, Ashton Tilton

Oh Oprah, You've Gone Done It Again

Just a little Oprah to kick start your Friday.  "Only you have the power to take responsibility to move your life forward." Amen sista!

Post by Emeka Mbadiwe.

TGIF y'all!
♥, Ashton Tilton

Incredible

Happy Monday y'all!

Let's make it an incredible week.

 ♥, Ashton Tilton

This Little Life of Mine

Crucial and Exciting Bizz:  Sometimes Buns uses our laptop for homework, so I can't write down type up what is in my heart at the moment it's on my brain, which is why I keep a journal.  Where I can write down everything I'm feeling, and then decide what I want to share with the whole social media world because let's be real, the whole "being real" in media is awesome (trust me I'm all about it), but there are some things that are better left unsaid, lol.

Last night, I thought a lot about the little life of mine.  I thought of myself as a momma, a wife, a worker, a blogger, a friend, and as a disciple of Christ.  After a little digging and some patience in sorting out my thoughts, there were some really crucial and pretty exciting things I learned about myself.  Or I guess I was just reminded that....

1.  I want to take pictures of the beautiful world around me.

2.  I want to meet people and share their stories.

3.  I love to create beauty around me, especially in my home.  

4.  I love to find beauty around me, especially in nature.  Click here for how I feel about our Earth.

5.  I like making people feel good about themselves.  That they're pretty and wonderful.

6.  I am passionate about recognizing your self worth as a child of God.

7.  I want to serve more in my community.

8.  As me sweet friend reminded me here, "I want to care about people and not possessions."

9.  I want to find stories to share in the world around me.

10.  Last but not least, I love my life. 

This life as a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and a follower of Christ.  This life as a woman.  This humble life I lead.  I love every minute of it.  Even the minutes (hours, days, or weeks) that are hard because it's those minutes that have shaped the woman I am today, and I couldn't be more grateful.  I also realized that there is nothing wrong with dreaming big.  Because there is power and happiness and self-realization that come from having big dreams.  Don't let others down your dreams or make you feel that they are unworthy or unrealistic of chasing.  Any dream is a dream worth chasing.

So cheers to living out your dreams, and cheers to chasing your dreams even if they don't work out the way you had planned, because at least you were brave enough to go for it!  Cheers to the stuff that shapes you.  And cheers to your beautiful life.  Because guaranteed it is beautiful, even if you find it hard to see.

❤, Ashton Tilton

I Didn't Feel Beautiful

Hinckley. My little pal.  The little guy I'm about to tell you all about.  Here's a picture I took of him when he was 2 years old, about 5 years ago.  Driving home from Brassy Apple's Secret Project (launching September 29th) last week, I was reminded of a memory from when he was this old.  It came flooding back, and I remembered everything about that day like it was yesterday.  It brought me to tears just thinking about it.  It hits close to home, but I don't ever want to forget it, so here goes!

My whole life, I struggled with acne.  Oh yeah folks, we're talking Struggled, with a capital "S".  It plagued me as a teenager.  It got a little better as I went to college, but still bothered me and never completely went away.  I always noticed the clear skin of other girls or celebrities I saw in the media.  I'd always wished for that smooth, blemish-free skin.  I was embarrassed by the marks on my face, especially the uneven redness of it.  I never went anywhere without makeup on.  I always tried to cover the acne up, but it never quite covered it the way I wanted it to, and it definitely couldn't take away the rough, unevenness of it.  It was a major insecurity of mine and often the source of low self-esteem.  

Y'all I had tried it all.  I had been to the dermatologist a million times, and every new "procedure" or "daily face routine" failed.  Nothing ever worked.  Shocker.  My skin has always been extremely sensitive and more often than not, I would break out from the new "daily face routine" suggested by said dermatologist.  So. Freaking. Frustrating.  Not to mention incredibly hard on my hopeful attitude that this routine would be different.  This time it would work.  This time I would come out on top.  This time I would finally have that perfect skin I'd been dreaming of. Ha...ha.......HA. 

Well, one time in particular coming back from the dermatologist with a new procedure in tow, I got home, ran upstairs, and couldn't wait to get started.  Even though it would've taken time for it to show results, I wanted to get a move on with that ish.  But sure enough, not even ten minutes after applying the cleanser, toner, and cream (sweet merciful, I wish I knew then what I know now about skin care...simplify, simplify, simplify), my face broke out like cuhRAZY.  I was a mess y'all.  A freaking hot mess.  I'd never had my skin break out so terrifically horrible before.  I was swollen, red, itchy, and my acne was magnified ten fold.  I remember it like it was yesterday, looking in the mirror and being so unhappy, embarrassed, and completely mortified.  I didn't even want to show my face to my family.  I was so painfully embarrassed.  

So I cried.

I cried so hard and so long.  I cried because of my insecurity.  I cried because it didn't seem like I would ever add up.  I felt like no one would think I was pretty.  I felt exposed.  I cried because I didn't feel beautiful.  

After wetting a rag and patting my face, and trying to remove any sign of my hysterics, I finally braved going downstairs.  As I walked downstairs, my sister, her hubby, and my brother were playing a board game.  I'd half expected them to look up at my red, puffy, acne-filled face and drop their jaws at the horror.  But of course they didn't.  My sister looked up at me and said, "Finally!  Wanna jump in on the game?"  She didn't stare, and she didn't say a word.  I told her I'd sit out for this round and hop in the next.  So I sat on the piano bench and watched as they played.  

And that's when it happened.  

My sweet little nephew, Hinckley, climbed right up on the piano bench next to me, and completely caught me off guard.  Unexpectedly, he pulled himself up onto my lap and cupped his little hands and fingers around my cheeks.  He looked me straight in the eyes with the most sincere, sweet look on his face, and said, "Ashin, you are BOOOtiful."  

Yep.  That happened.  Bring on the falls, Niagara Falls.  Right then and there, my 2 year old Nephew taught me one of the most valuable lessons a girl needs to know.  And sure enough, I cried again.  

To that little 2 year old, I was beautiful not because of what I looked like on the outside but because I was his aunt.  Because I hugged and kissed him every time I saw him.  Because I laughed with him.  Because I cuddled and watched Backyardigans with him.  Because I played toys with him.  Because I loved him.  

And I believe that.  I believe that loving, supporting, and serving the people around us makes us happy and beautiful.  You are beautiful because of the listening ear you provide for your friend whose marriage is struggling, whose transition to being a new, young mom is lonely, whose kids have all left home and being an empty-nester is lonely, or whose husband lost his job and money is tight.  You are beautiful because you texted that person to let them know how much they mean to you.  You are beautiful because you're a caring, invested grandma who wants each and every grandchild to know they're unique and loved.  You're beautiful because you make dinner every night even if it means ordering in from Papa Johns.  You're beautiful because you're a good sister who supports her family in their endeavors and ambitions.  You're beautiful because you fold the laundry and do the dishes, so when your hubby gets home from work the house is clean.  You're beautiful because instead of doing the laundry and dishes, you let your 4 year old pretend to be a chef and you were the customer at her restaurant or you let your 2 year old show you the mess he can make by being Godzilla and destroying all the toys and legos in sight.  You're beautiful because you're 15 and noticed that there was someone new at school, so you said hi, asked where she's from, and if she wanted to sit with you and your friends at lunch.  You're beautiful because you try to be a good student and good kid, even if things are hard at home.  You're beautiful if school is hard for you and you feel like you're barely scraping by because what no one knows is that you're going to be an artist, an engineer, a musician, a beautician, or some other talent that can't be measured by run of the mill "academics".  You're beautiful because you're a strong, independent, happy woman who loves to work hard, enjoys her career, and makes the workplace an uplifting, supportive community for her coworkers.  You're beautiful because you attend church every week.  You're beautiful if you don't go to church and hike with your family instead.  You're beautiful if your beliefs are founded in goodness, reflection, and unity.  You're beautiful if your beliefs are founded in God.  

You're beautiful because you are your own person.  

There is not one person who has the same heart and mind as you.  Don't let anyone strip that from you.  Don't let the media tell you what you should look like or how you should act.  Don't let the girl in your Chemistry class make you feel stupid because you don't understand what you're doing.  Don't let the girl on TV make you feel like you're not pretty enough.  Don't let the girls who have boyfriends make you feel like something's wrong with you because you're not in a relationship.  Don't let the mom down the street who always seems to have it together make you feel like you don't have it together.  Don't let the empty-nesters who seem to have found their niche make you feel like you don't have one.  I can't remember who said this, but whoever it was really hit the nail on the head... 

“Sometimes people are beautiful.  Not in looks.  Not in what they say.  Just in what they are.”

Cheers to being who you are because it's a waste of time to be anybody else.

Hope y'all are having a fabulous day, and if not, then no worries because tomorrow's Friday! #holla

❤, Ashton Tilton