Butt-Slapping Fun

{oldie but a goodie}

It's been so long since I've done some sort of update on the blog of what our family's up to, and I miss writing on here.  I need to write more.  Life has been so hectic, whenever I have down time, I want to lie on the couch with my hubby and watch Blue Bloods.  LOL.  But I need a space again that I can write down the happenings of our family, organize my thoughts, and share what's on my mind and in my heart.

As opposed to catching everything up which I feel like is always my hesitation with getting back on here because I feel like I'm so behind, I don't even know where to begin!  So we're gonna cut all that hooplah out and just start with the present...

Reese and Riggs are sleeping like bumps on a log right now.  Riggs' second nap and Reese's every now and again nap have been beautifully coinciding which makes for a happy momma.  Usually during their naps....can I be honest?  Usually I head straight for the couch and peruse social media sites for a solid chunk of it.  But my brain lately has been on overload social media, and I'm missing finding ways to connect with myself and finding quiet time away from screens.  (As I'm sitting here writing on a computer...HAHA...but this doesn't count because it's journaling, right? That's what I'm going with.)  I need some uplift and more purpose in my life these days.  So maybe I'll find it as I take 10-15 a day to talk about my little fambam.

Buns should be home from work really soon, and I'll probably get cut off from writing this to make him some yummy grub.  I used to hate making him food (and sometimes I still do), but now it actually brings me this huge satisfaction.  If he was left to his own devices I'm sure he would eventually learn how to make a decent meal, but there would be a major learning curve until that could happen.  Anyways, I'll probably make him a banana cream pie smoothie to hold him over until a bigger more "heavy" (his words) meal can be made.  He loves banana cream pie.  I love that he loves banana cream pie.  Is that weird?  Does anyone else have weird things that they love about their husbands that make no sense at all?  Maybe it's because it's comforting that I can rely on the fact that he loves banana creme pie.  I just know him like that.  But his mom knows that about him too.  So maybe it's weird.  Okay wow, I haven't been at this blogging thing in forever, sooooo YEAH.  

Weird things are coming out.

Once the kids wake up, Buns and I will head to the gym to workout.  We just starting doing this again about a week ago, and it is one of my favorite (okay it is my favorite) times of the day.  I get to sweat with my sweaty hubby. We laugh, we try new lifts, we compete, we slap each other's butts, and we make fun of each other.  It's really the best.  It does kind of make my days go slower though haha because I'm so anxious to get to the gym and slap his butt. #sorrynotsorrymomandmotherinlaw #hesgotagreatbutt #whatsagirltodo

My favorite things about today are that our swamp cooler is working better than it has been in this scorching 3-digit degree heat we're suffering.  Maybe one day when we have AC, I'll want the summer to drag on, but for now, I'm over here like

GIMME ALL THE SNOW.

I also love that Riggs and Reese are starting to be best buddies.  Reese is SO funny with Riggs.  When he's awake from his nap, she pops her head up at me and gasps, "Oh Riggy Rigg, wake up!!"  Then she sprints her little body (usually while looking at her feet which has ended disastrously lately) to his room, opens the door, and says sweetly, "Ohhh Riggy."  Like he's the light of her life.  Haha.  Such a drama queen.  I have no idea where she gets that from...

Riggs just walks around swinging his little arms back and forth with his chubby little thighs hanging out.  Diaper butts are in full force around here, as we're usually naked when we're at home.  The kids atleast.  Or maybe me too....

JK!  I really need to get back in the groove of blogging.  Weird things, weird things.

When the kids get up in the morning, we take Buns to work.  He's working for his brother's landscaping business during this gap year before PT school. (Fingers crossed for him, we just started applying!! Woohoo!)  So we drop him off at the "unit".  Storage unit that is.  Where he picks up the truck and machinery for his manly-man duties of the day.  (**heavy swoon**)  He gives me a kiss.  He gives Reese a kiss.  He gives Riggs a kiss.  He loves his babies.  And I love that he loves his babies.  We love babies.  Maybe we should have another baby.

Maybe not.  Oh dear.  Too soon.

Anyways.  So he kisses us all, and we wave goodbye and start counting the minutes till he gets home.  This is not an exaggeration.  I seriously can't wait till he gets home every single day.  Best part of the day.  Aside from slapping his butt at the gym.

Speaking of butts.  He just got home!!!

Being a Wife and Mother

"Being a wife and a mother is probably one of the most extraordinary experiences and the most fulfilling experiences in my life, but at the same time it has been difficult being able to do the things I want to do, and also being responsible for you and your brother and your father."

"What does [Reese] need today?  What does [Riggs] need today?  What does Daddy need today?  Okay [Ashton], now before the day is done, you better make sure that you take care of yourself.  And that's a new thing for me....I had forgotten how to take care of myself."

"When you stop taking care of yourself and you get out of balance, then you really forget how to take care of others."

"We've been taught that taking care of yourself is a problem...the messaging we get in this country is that you have to completely sacrifice everything."

"The re-messaging that we need as mothers to have and gravitate to is that you have to take care of yourself in order to have the alignment and the power to take care of others at the capacity that we do."

"I have to be responsible enough to take care of me."

"I start making [my family] responsible for my happiness.  A lot of times we look to our men, our husbands and our boyfriends...and you're supposed to make me happy.  Because we've lost our way on how to make us happy."

"Each year, each day, I get more and more and more in balance, and I get more and more happy."

"The very thing that I thought would make Daddy, [Reese], and [Riggs] unhappy actually is fulfilling for you guys as well.  Even if it might not be tangible.  The more happy and fulfilled I am, it works for the family, and when I'm not, it doesn't."

"You have a right to be happy.  And your happiness is what fuels you from the inside."

♥, Ashton Tilton

All It Takes

Yesterday, the day started off pretty rough for Buns and I.  Bad moods all around.  We're starting to do the cry-out method with Riggs, and so the night before was a tad tough super sucky.  Last night though he already slept for 8 hours in a row though! So we'll see if that's a fluke or what.  Probs a fluke, but oh well.  Anyways...

So Buns and I.  Bad moods.

Todd had school all day, so he was off to school even though we hadn't really gotten to work out our moods.  We like to try to work out our moods before we leave each other.  Otherwise we're both in bad moods all day.  So he left.  I was home with the kiddos.  I was feeling a little trapped, a lot tired, and absolutely no motivation to do anything.

Then I saw a Christmas post when I was scrolling through Instagram, and I thought you know what?  I'm gonna fix this!  So I turned up some Mariah Carey Holiday Pandora station, put Riggs down for a nap, put a show on for Reese, and buckled down to do the mound of dishes sitting in my sink.  And let me tell you....I FELT LOADS BETTER. (**I just re-read my post to check for grammar,and I realized that was PUNNY..."loads better"/"loads" of dishes...BA HA ha...**giving myself a pat on the back for being punny...#yikes #selflove #solittlesleep #soloopy)  With every dish and every high note from Mariah, my mood got better and better.  I love music.  I love it so much, and singing to it helped me feel so much better.

Then about a half hour later Todd called.  He was in between classes, and he called to apologize for his mood.  Bragging wifey:  He's always the first to admit he was in the wrong.  Something I need to be better at.  But he called, and we got to talking about why we were in bad moods.  It was clear that BOTH of us were in better moods.  He asked what I had been up to, and I told him I listened to some music and crossed the dishes off the list.  He said no wonder you're in a good mood.  Haha!  Guess he knows me too well!  Then I asked what sparked his phone call...

Damian Lillard and Trey Burke.

(Click here for the specifics)

Oh yeah y'all...NBA players put my husband in a better mood.  Haha.  He was also scrolling through Instagram (thanks Instagram for lifting both our spirits yesterday #laughingcryingemojifeels) and came across some quotes on those two Instagram accounts that boosted his morale.

My point of telling this story is not to boast about how awesome we are at getting ourselves out of bad moods because a lot of the time we're not good at it.  But instead, I wanted to write down and remember that Todd and I are married and we're husband and wife, but we're also individuals.  We also need time and space sometimes to work out our moods.  Sometimes it takes a little time, even if it's just a half hour, to work out our emotions on our own haha.  We both have things that help us feel better, and they're very different for each of us.  We have to respect those things and give each other time to not only be husband and wife but to also be Ashton and Todd.  I hope that makes sense, but it's something that's really helped us.

Love my man.

A few weeks ago, this is another thing time that doing something I loved and hadn't done in a while helped put me in a better mood haha.  I was telling Todd how much I missed driving up the canyon once the leaves started changing color and falling, so one day after his classes, he took me and the kiddos on a drive up the canyon.  We even stopped at 7-11 to grab some hot chocolate.  Whatta man whatta might good man.  I pumped mine with Pumpkin Spice Creamer per the usual.  Then we drove up to Deer Creek.  The kids had fallen asleep so Todd and I got to step out for a second to soak in my absolute favorite view in the canyon ever.  I used to drive up to the same spot all the time when I was in college and needed to get away for a hot minute.  I've always loved nature, and I've seen this same spot at Deer Creek through all the seasons, and I love every one, but fall is my favorite.  

Hope y'all have a great Thursday.  Find time to do something you love. 

♥, Ash 

What You Don't See

I was going through my pictures on google plus (one of the best ways to keep track of pictures on your phone btw), and I came across this one.  This picture means a lot to me.  And I had totally forgotten about it.

This picture shows two parents obsessed with their little girl...but what you can't see about this picture is...

First of all we were in Columbia, South Carolina, I was 8.5 months pregnant, and we had just embarked on this crazy adventure across the country.

Second of all, I had just finished bawling my eyes out because I was nervous about a second kid, worried about Todd's new job, hated that Todd was gone ALL day and night, trying to navigate Reese's new-found tantrums and independence, and missing family and friends like crazy.

Thirdly, Todd had just crawled into bed with me and just hugged me.  Hugged me while I cried.  Hugged me while I let out all my worries and frustrations.  Then proceeded to tell me everything would be okay, and it was all gonna work out.  And without fail, every time he tells me that, I believed him.  No matter what tough thing we've gone through, we always believe each other that it's gonna be okay.  We know we'll always come out on top because we have each other.

Then Reese peeked in our room.  She had just woken up from her nap.  We had her in the pack and play but because of the twin bed next to her, she was always able to find a way to climb out of it.  When we realized she was peeking in at the door, she smiled behind her pink blanket, waiting for us to usher her in.  We said "Hi Reesey!" and the second we said hi she came barreling in the room and wrestled to climb up on the bed.  She made us both smile so big, all of our worries were erased.  We soaked up our baby girl and listened to Frozen music for like a half hour.

And then we snapped this picture.  Because we love our baby girl.  She is a light in our life.  She makes everything worth it.  We love you Reese.

"There comes a point, when you have to just live.  You have to just move on.  Move way on.

Not that you have to forget or ignore the hard times.  Of course you have to acknowledge the pain and hurt, but I have learned that when I stop thinking about myself and about what others think about me, I use that energy and focus it on productive things like; my children, my spirituality, my dedication to the Lord, my family, and my husband.  

I can push harder, faster, and get myself healthier.  It's hard to do, especially when my body hurts.  This is certainly a process, but I feel stronger, and I know that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass and great things did come to pass and do come to pass for me.  I move faster now, I am stronger, and have confidence in myself.  

I started appreciating the things that I could do and stopped focusing on the things that I couldn't do, and it has changed my life." (Stephanie Nielson)

"There comes a point, when you just have to live.  You have to just move on.  Move way on."

Becoming a mother has made me re-evaluate who I am about a million times haha.  It has changed me and molded me and reminded me of who I am and who I want to be.  Who Ashton is.  I keep realizing over and over again that there are very distinct things that make me who I am.  I feel like I'm finally coming to realize that how I mother and who I am as a person is more than enough.  Even if sometimes I feel like I fall short or lose my patience, I will always be enough.  And I feel like Stephanie really hit the nail on the head when she said, there comes a point, when you just have to live!  Amen!  

Buns and I have talked a lot about this lately, and we're sick of trying to do or be what we think everyone wants us to be or who we think we should be, and we should just start LIVING.  We should do what we love and discover the things we love.  We should just be ourselves and care less about what others think.  You don't have to please everyone.  Bottom line.  We decided we need to fall back in love with life, and be more grateful for the opportunity we have each day to make it a beautiful day.  Not because we do anything grand or extraordinary, but because we make the ordinary every day things into something special and something valued.  We've been talking about how we genuinely just need to enjoy the ride more and have more fun together.  And I think it's finally clicked!  We're excited about what's in store!

Cheers to just living.

♥, Me 

Mush & Memories {Buns Edition}

Dear Buns,

(FYI: I wrote this last week but never finished it, so this was last week's FHE)

Yesterday for FHE we went out to eat at Callie's Cafe, and now I'm obsessed.  I'm still thinking about those hashbrowns.  Those perfectly crispy, delicious hashbrowns.  I love that you share my love for breakfast for dinner.  We took Roni obviously, and she couldn't have been more fun.  She was lovin' it too and gobbled up her pancakes.  She was laughing a lot, we were laughing a lot, and I felt so, so happy.  I don't know if it's the pregnancy emotions getting to me or what, but lately I've been so aware of little moments like that.  I'm not always aware of those moments.  Sometimes I let things get me stressed, overwhelmed, or angry.  I forget to live in the moment and be grateful for all God's given us.

But yesterday.

Yesterday was a slice of heaven.  I felt giddy holding your hand.  I kept looking at you as the father of my children, and it only made you hotter.  Especially when we went for Cold Stone ice cream after and sat in the same spot we sat when we went on our first date.  Thinking about sitting at that table on our first date three years prior and comparing it to the present, you holding Reese, about to be Dad to a baby boy...it was pretty cool to say the least.  I felt that same giddiness I felt when we were on our first date. 

I was listening to my Miranda Lambert Pandora station at work, and one of our songs came on.  "Makin' Plans" by Miranda herself.  I use to listen to this on repeat the summer we dated on those long drives back from working in Salt Lake.  I would sit in the car, singing along to this song, feeling so happy, I thought my heart would burst.  So much anticipation on those drives home from Salt Lake.  I couldn't wait to see you.  You had work at Finish Line most week nights until 10pm and I had to leave for work in the mornings at 5:45am, but I would wait up for you anyways, and we would hang out until the wee hours of the night.  You know I don't do well without my sleep, so you know it was true love because I stayed up to hang out with you even if it meant I only got five hours of sleep on the weeknights.   

 I loved dating you.  I loved being with you.  Everything was always so comfortable and fun.  It just continued to be right day after day.  You filled a part of me that I didn't know could be filled.  You really became my very best friend.  

So when you asked me to marry you just 3 months later, it was so natural to say yes.  I know we're still fresh, only 2 and a half years into this whole marriage thing, but I can honestly say I am even happier than I was the day I said yes.  You make me the happiest woman!  You make life fun, meaningful, and all things amazing.  

Love you forever Buns.

❤, Me 

Footsies for the Win

Buns and I are sitting here watching the NBA All-Star game.  I love this game.  Yeah so they don't play for real most of the game and the defense is crappy, but without fail, they can never hide the competitiveness in the fourth quarter.  And Ariana did the halftime show, so it was a success.  I've been sitting here itching to write.  I haven't felt that way in forever!  So I thought I'd take the opportunity while I feelin' it, haha.

If you would have asked me how things were going about 4 days ago, I would have said BUUUSSYYY.  For my better half anyways.  Buns was running around like a madman getting everything done that he needed to for work, school, midterms, PT volunteering, church calling, GRE studying, GRE class, etc...  Poor guy couldn't catch a breath.  Then Thursday morning hit.

Todd woke up at around 5am not feeling well at all.  His stomach was sloshy and felt like he had been hit by a truck.  Proceed to lots of throwing up, getting dehydrated, and off we went to the ER!  They hooked him up to an IV, and he started feeling better immediately.  Sure enough he had a stomach bug.  Reese and I did laps in her stroller in the waiting room, while we waited for Buns to be done.  Then we were on our way!  And sure enough on the way home...I started feeling "sloshy".

Cue my stomach bug.

Needless to say most of Thursday and Friday Todd and I were banished to the couches.  Poor Reese was probably like man my parents are boring today!  Haha.  We were praying that Reese would miss out on this lovely illness.  The weekend passed, and we thought we were in the clear, but poor Roni battled a bad fever all evening and night.  Last night she threw up, and let me tell you, it was heartbreaking!  We've never had her really throw up before!  Let's be real, as gross as spit up is, it's nothing like your little one throwing up.  So we snuggled her up in bed with us and called it a night.  

Let's just say there will be lots of reading, Sesame Street, and snuggles today.  Everything else can wait.

Valentine's Day needless to say was extremely low key with us sickies in recovery mode, but we still found a way to celebrate.  Started off by showering!  Haha, let the festivities begin!  But for real.  We took turns took taking really long showers while the other watched Reese.  Let's just say it had been a couple days for these sickies.  I even curled my hair for the night of footsies (explanation to come).  We exchanged gifts, watched Sesame Street with Roni, took her to get ice cream and a pink balloon, went on my favorite drive up the canyon listening to Buns' latest favorite John Mayer, ordered in Olive Garden after Reese went to bed, and redboxed a real romance...The Mazerunner.  (Also the first book of a trilogy).  It was so good!  I had been dying to see it ever since it came out in theaters because I love that series, so when I saw that it was in Red Box, Buns let me have my way.  Turns out he loved it too!  During the movie things got real hot and heavy.  But for real, we were so hot and still feeling a little icky, so snuggling was off our radar.  We kept it romantic though and made sure to align our feet just right on our separate couches, so we could touch toes and play footsie at all the romantic parts of the film.  A.k.a. The part when the Griever gets squashed in between the changed maze walls or when that kid Ben gets "stung," finds Thomas in the woods, and tries to kill him.  So much love in the club.

I hope y'all had a wonderful Valentine's day and got to spend it with people you love, no matter who that may be!  

♥, Ashton Tilton

 P.S.  Just in case you wanted a sneak peak into our romantic evening, here's the trailer of The Mazerunner!  It was so good!  They stayed pretty dang close to the book too.

If I Could Write a Letter To Me

I was driving home the other night and that song by Brad Paisley, Letter to Me, came on the radio.  If you haven't heard the song before, he sings about all the things he would write in a letter to himself at age 17.  Man, I love that song, and man, I love B-rad.  Listening to it got me thinking about all the things I would tell my teenage self.  OH yeah....that's a long list.  So here it is...a letter to myself (or any teenager for that matter) at age 17.

Dear 17-year-old self, 

Right now is a pretty crazy time for you.  In just a year you're gonna graduate and be off on your own.  You're deciding where you should go and what you want to do with your life, and it all seems a little scary and totally overwhelming.  You don't have to worry about the details of it all though because everything irons out how it should.

Sometimes you feel a little confused about who you are and what your purpose is.  You wonder if the only thing going for you is basketball.  Sometimes you might not feel pretty.  You might feel like you could be tanner, that your hair could be longer, or that your legs are too big, but you are beautiful just the way you are.  Everyone has insecurities.  You're not the only one.  Take comfort in that all your friends around you are trying to figure out the whole self-confidence thing too.  Even though you might not want to take the time out everyday to do it, and He seems a little distant and unreachable, pray to your Heavenly Father about what's in your heart.  He'll bring you comfort and remind you that you're a daughter of God.  

Invest time in your family.  They will be your best friends forever.  You may not want to spend time with your parents on the weekends, but every now and again, stay home, hang with and talk to them.  They are dying to hear about what's going on in your life and will give you the best advice anyone can give you.  Even if you think they're antiquated and don't understand...they do.  

Love your siblings. Your brothers and sisters will always share your childhood.  No one will understand that part of you like your siblings do.  There's a special bond there.  Don't underestimate how much their friendship will mean to you because you don't think they understand.  They love you and always will.

Just because you're going to college doesn't mean you're an adult.  So quit acting like you know it all.  And just because you're going to college, it doesn't mean you'll have all the answers now that you're on your own.  Value the time you have left with your family because you'll miss them a lot that first semester away from home.  And actually...every semester of college after that.  Especially your Mom.  That first semester away from home is gonna be a doozy.  Really tough stuff.  You'll wanna bag the whole college scene and go closer to home.  But you'll find one of your best friends in an unexpected place.  He'll help you navigate the whole freshman scene.  You might feel alone for a little while at first, but be patient, "everything is unfolding as it should."

College will be full of ups and downs.  Mostly ups, but the downs will sometimes seem unbearable.  Don't let those times break you.  Be strong and hopeful.  Rely on your friends and family.  Especially your Mom.  She will be your anchor, even though she seems really far away.  When you talk to her, everything won't feel quite as intense and hard as you think it is.  She'll bring you comfort and the best advice anyone can give you simply because she's your mom.  She knows you better than anyone else in the whole world.  She has been your advocate and number one fan from the moment you took your first breath.  Value that relationship.  It's a special one.

Be proud of who you are.  Harness the happiness inside of you.  Don't let anyone make you feel dumb for having a good attitude and being happy.  Enjoy the fun you'll have in college!  Take school seriously, but not too seriously.  Work hard, but enjoy the social aspect.  Make friends and build relationships.  They'll be some of your most valuable relationships.

Your heart is gonna get broken.  Twice.  The first time will be unexpected, and it won't even be because of a boy.  You'll lose your best friend.  Your paths will take different directions, and it will be harder than you ever would've thought.  It may not seem like it at the time, but one day that friendship will heal.  Bridges can be built over bridges that have burned.  You will spend a lot of lonely nights at home, but thankfully your home at that time will be with a family that will become like your own.  There will be two children you'll nanny for that will become two of your best friends.  You'll love them with your whole heart, and they'll help you overcome what you're going through without even realizing it.  At that time, go to church.  Be involved.  You'll meet people that will change your life.  You'll be strengthened and reminded of the love that God has for you.  I want you to know that if you ever forget who you are, you can get on your knees and ask God to remind you.  Because he will always remind you.

The second time will be because of a boy.  It will be hard, and you'll shed lots of tears.  You'll drive to California on a whim to get a change of scenery for the summer.  Then you'll drive right back because it wasn't for you.  But don't be discouraged because there's something really incredibly awesome waiting for you in Utah.  

It's a boy.

But not just any boy.  It's your best friend.  It's the person that makes you better.  And happy.  Sweet merciful, you'll be happy.  You'll start to realize that everything up to that point was just one more stepping stone on your way to him.  He'll let you be Y O U .  You won't have to try, your relationship will just fall into place.  It will continue to feel right.  So right that spending a day without him feels weird.  So right that you'll know really quickly that he's the one you'll want to spend forever with.  People are gonna think you're crazy for moving so fast, but follow your heart on this one.  It'll be the best decision you've ever made.  And you'll call him Buns.  You can imagine why.

Right after your one-year anniversary with your boo snack, you'll have a baby.  Yep, that's right, you heard me, a B-A-B-Y.  And it'll be a girl.  A beautiful baby girl.  She'll rock your world at first.  It will be a hard adjustment, but the best adjustment you'll ever make.  She'll soften your heart, and you'll develop a love for her that rocks your socks off.  At first it develops slowly, but one day look at her, and just by looking at her, you'll be brought to tears.  She'll come to mean everything to you.  Your world will revolved around her and your hubby, and you'll love every second of it except for the seconds that you don't because sometimes you won't.  

Marriage can be hard sometimes.  You'll continually learn and grow with each other.  You'll recognize some things about your personality that you never really knew before you got married.  Be patient with each other.  Most importantly, have fun.  Don't take yourselves too seriously.  Make time to go on dates.  Dates will strengthen your relationship.  Communication is also so important!  It might be a little different at first, because you've never been one to talk about your feelings a lot, but again, it will strengthen your relationship.  FO SHO.

I guess my biggest advice is to choose happiness.  Because it's a choice.  Enjoy the people around you.  Enjoy the opportunities around you.  Enjoy the journey of learning and growing.  Smile as often as possible.  Laugh even more.  There are so many beautiful reasons you have to be happy Ashton.  

See ya in 7 years girl!

❤, Ashton Tilton