Vulnerability

All my babes are sound asleep right now (hubby included on his day off from school), so I thought I'd share something that I've been reading lately.  "Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, and empathy."  My sister in law recommended the book, Daring Greatly, to me, and I have only just started to really delve into it.  And I wish I would've done so earlier!  It's SO good, and a really interesting and meaningful topic for me.  I'm only a few chapters into it, but she's been talking a lot about vulnerability.  Brene Brown says, "Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences."  She talks about how connection is the reason that we're here on this earth.  We are meant to connect with others.  It gives us purpose and meaning.  I couldn't agree more!  The most meaningful relationships in my life are the ones where we've both embraced vulnerability.  Which can be really, really hard sometimes!!  There are few things I am more grateful for though than honesty and openness from people around me.  I can think of a handful of people in my life who "pro vulnerability embracers".  They aren't afraid to talk about the hard things, and they definitely aren't afraid to listen to the hard things.  They are genuine and compassionate.  They laugh, and they cry.  They truly empathize.  I'm realizing as I get older that this is actually a real scarcity.  Those people are getting harder and harder to find!  I've been thinking about those friends and family in my life who are humble, understanding, and recognize that they're not perfect.  They are open about flaws and concerns they have.  When they embrace those imperfections and use them to learn and better themselves, it allows and encourages me to do the same.  It creates a safe space for me, and it's so refreshing!  I feel like I can kick up my feet, and be myself.  

I loved the story in the video where Brene Brown talks about a situation when say your daughter comes homes from school and tells you that she is having a hard time finding friends and no one wants to sit with her at lunch.  In order to be truly empathetic you have to be vulnerable!  You have to dig deep and go back to that time you were friendless or didn't have anyone to sit with.  You have to dig deep to show that you understand.  That it's hard.  That what you're going through is really hard.  And sometimes that's it!  You don't always need to fix the situation.  That's not what people are always looking for.  Sometimes you fix the situation by just listening, relating to, and empathizing.  That is one of the bests medicines for any mental or emotional ailment in my opinion.  Feeling like you are truly understood.  That you're not the only one.  That people can relate.

My favorite part of the book so far though is her connection of being vulnerable to living a "wholehearted" life.  She says, 

"Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.  It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, 'No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.' It's going to bed at night thinking, 'Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.'"

Cheers to being more vulnerable.  To finding ways to be more empathetic and understanding of those around me.

♥, Ashton

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Each month, my church issues a magazine entitled The Ensign.  Each issue has a "First Presidency Message".  It's a message that the prophet and his counselors feel will uplift and encourage us to be our best selves.  This is an excerpt from this month's message by President Henry B. Eyring:

"Once, as I sat by my father’s bedside through the night, he talked about his childhood. He spoke of the love of his parents in difficult times and of the love of his Heavenly Father and the Savior. I knew he was dying of cancer, so it did not surprise me that at times he mixed up his feelings for his Heavenly Father with the love and kindness of his earthly father. My father had often said that when he prayed, he thought he could see in his mind the smile of Heavenly Father. 

His parents had taught him by example to pray as if he spoke to God and that God would answer him in love. He needed that example to the end. When the pain became intense, we found him in the morning on his knees by the bed. He had been too weak to get back into bed. He told us he had been praying to ask his Heavenly Father why he had to suffer so much when he had always tried to be good. He said a kindly answer came: “God needs brave sons.” 

And so he soldiered on to the end, trusting that God loved him, listened to him, and would lift him up. He was blessed to have known early and to never forget that a loving God is as close as a prayer."

There's not much else that I feel stronger about than the power of prayer, and I was reminded of that when I read that message.  When all else fails for me, prayer seems to be the thing that picks me back up and reminds me of the love that God has for me.  I'll always be grateful for that connection with God, and hope that I can help my kids to feel that connection too.  I thought of my dad when I read this message by President Eyring.  My dad has taught me so much about prayer and discipleship through his example.  We didn't have many sit-down one-on-ones where he straight-forwardly laid out the gospel and why prayer was important.  But instead, I saw him pray.  I knew he prayed in his closet privately before he went about his day.  That was much more powerful to me than anything he could have said.

I hope I can be that example for my own kids.  Where I speak more by my actions than by my words.

A Fabulous Friday Feature: Natashia McLean

{Photography by Heather Bliss}

Natashia McLean from The Mumsy Blog:  Today, I am so excited to have this vivacious woman guest post here on XO, Ashton Tilton.  As I've talked about before, this blog is a place for women of all stages of life with all personalities to come and find common ground.  A place to share the joys and struggles of being a modern day woman and mother.  Natashia is a co-owner and co-writer for The Mumsy Blog.  Being a momma and being creative are her passions, and she rocks the socks off of both!  Her blog's middle name is creativity, and you'll never be in shortage of inspiration when visiting.  But how does she balance her family, blog, work (she is a fitness instructor), and all the responsibilities that come with each?  I asked her to share her thoughts on how to lead a balanced life as a blogger, how she manages her time, and why it's important to keep your eyes on what matters most.  Life can be a crazy roller-coaster of schedules and to-do lists, but sit back and enjoy this mumsy's perspective on how to juggle it all and still do what you love.  And don't forget to hop on over to her blog, The Mumsy Blog, for plenty of inspiration and fun ideas for you and your family!

Hey there!  My name is Natashia, and I am a crazy person.  I am a stay-at-home mommy of four kids.  I am also a blogger for The Mumsy Blog, a fitness instructor five days a week, and I am working on an art and design portfolio.  How do I do it and have time for it all?  Yup, I already told you the answer, I am a crazy person.

It is awesome to be posting here today.  One aspect of the creative community that I love is meeting and working with happy, beautiful people like Ashton.  And I was thrilled when she asked me to talk about balancing life as a blogger and mother because this is the topic that I feel really passionate about.  I know that time goes by fast and my kids will never be as little as they are today, but I also believe in personal improvement and accomplishing goals.  So I have to admit that as a mom and blogger, learning balance and maintaining sanity has truthfully been really hard.  And I am still figuring out how to juggle life, even today as I write this.  But thankfully I have had experiences in my life that have helped me get to where I am.

Let's start with my mom, yes, I blame my craziness on my mother.  She worked full time, went to college to receive her master's degree, cooked, cleaned, and ran our household while being very involved.  My mom, even though she had little sleep and no time, somehow managed to attend every recital, concert, and activity while I was young.  Impressive right?  She taught me to work hard and follow my dreams.  So I guess you could say that I come from a long line of crazy people.

Fast forward to when I had my first child.  I quit working to be the stay-at-home momma.  And I remember holding my first little baby in my arms and marveling at his perfection and magnificence.  My days were peaceful and simple.  Motherhood was different and sometimes challenging, but the days were sweet.  For the next five years I spent lots of time reading books, doing puzzles, going to play dates, and eating hot dogs.  Life was still busy and motherhood was definitely hard, but I look back and those moments are some of the best in my life.  Most days were simple and the joy I received from teaching and watching my children grow helped me love motherhood.

Life is well, crazy for me now.  I started teaching fitness a couple years ago, and in the last year helped launch The Mumsy Blog.  It has been a beautiful adventure to help run and manage a blog.  I have learned so much, and it has really been awesome to grow personally.  I also felt like this year I should focus on my talents, which includes illustration and design.  As I have gotten more involved with the creative world it has been exciting to see all the opportunities ahead of me.  It has also felt really fulfilling to focus on me more, and I feel like personal development is important for everyone.

I decided that when we started The Mumsy Blog, I would never want to miss a moment with my children.  When I look into their big, bright eyes, see their goofy smiles, and hug their little bodies it is pretty much the best feeling in the world.  But, I have found it is really easy to get lost in work.  There is always someone on Instagram to follow, some blog post to write, some company to email.  So the only answer I would have for anyone wondering how I do it, besides being crazy, is I make time for my kids and then prioritize the rest.  It's all about the big picture.  My grandparents have a sign hanging in their home that says, "A hundred years from now, it will not matter what your bank account balance was, the sort of house you lived in, or the kind of car you drove, but the world may be different because you were important in the life of a child."  This is my mantra.

So how do I love my kids and progress my talents?  Some days when I am up late writing or up early writing, I really feel like a crazy person.  In those moments I focus, I take a step back.  I think of my mother and all she did, and it brings me strength.  I write out what needs to get done and plan.  Organization is key for me to survive every day.  I also have to pick and choose my tasks.  Even though I am crazy, I still can't do everything.  And like I mentioned, I am still very much learning how to balance my life.  Life's always changing, so I've accepted that I probably won't ever know how to do everything perfect anyway.  I really don't know all the answers to keeping a balance between motherhood and blogger life.  But, I try my best, I work hard.  And I do the important things, which is keeping my children first.

❤, Natashia McLean

 

Jordanelle Lake

This weekend was jammed packed but lots of fun.  After Todd got off work on Friday we went up Hobblecreek Canyon to go camping with Todd's family.  We didn't spend the night but hung out at the campsite, roasted hot dogs, and made s'mores.  It was such a nice night.  Reese was a doll.  She fell right asleep in the baby carrier Todd was wearing.  There's nothing like seeing Todd in a baby carrier.  Totes presh.  I loved relaxing with Barretts.  I feel blessed to have such great in-laws.  They're hysterical and have been so embracing since day one. 

This morning we headed up to Salt Lake to meet up with Megan and Gabe to go to Jordanelle Lake for the day.  Before we went to the lake, we walked around Downtown Salt Lake.  We went to eat at Toasters, and it was delish!  Definitely a new favorite.  Side story:  Sometimes we like to give Reese a little taste of what we're eating to see how she'll react.  Yes, parents of the year folks.  We decided we wanted her to try a little Ranch dressing.  (I can't believe I'm admitting this story haha)  So sure enough, we baited her with the spoon and she went in for the kill.  As soon as she took a taste, she literally gagged.  And then...yakked.  I know, I know, we're horrible, but the look on her face was priceless.  Bless her little heart.  No more using Reese for taste-testing!!  

After downtown, we headed up to Jordanelle.  It was beautiful.  When I go up the Provo canyon, I feel like the wanderlust inside of me comes alive.  So cheesy, but so stinkin' true!  I love the outdoors, and I'm always reminded how much when we go up the canyon.  Jordanelle was beautiful.  The water was freezing, but it was fun to be outside soakin' up the sunshine with Meg, Gabe, and Rio.  Love them.

Hope y'all have had an amazing weekend so far too!

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As longs as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.” (Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl)

XO, Ashton Tilton 

"Shared Parenting"

When Todd and I were in Park City, my sister-in-law asked me about "shared parenting" and how it was going for Todd and I.  Shared parenting meaning how we share and balance the responsibilities of being a mom and dad.  

I have to say, no one had ever asked me that before, nor had I thought about it in that way..."shared parenting".  It might sound like a duh way of describing it, but I blame my lack of common sense on my preggo brain that never went away.  Please tell me that happens to other mommas too?  

We had a little convo about it, and I went on to tell her about how some days we have a handle on it, and other days we don't.  Some days I feel like supermom and superwife.  I've got it together.  Dishes are done, house is clean, work's completed, Reese is well-napped and happy, dinner's made, etc...  On those days when Todd gets home from work, life's a peach.  I'm all, "Sit down, take a load off babe, welcome home."  It's the days where everything runs smoothly...on those days, I'm all, "I'll feed her, I'll change her, I'll put her to bed."  Those days average out to be about 9% of the time.

Then there's the other 91%.

Those days I do not have it together.  Sweet merciful, I just don't.  Dishes are stacked to the ceiling.  The front room is covered in baby toys, diapers, laundry that needs to be folded, shoes, and cups.  Cups and cups and cups.  (You'd think because there was only two of us there would only need to be two cups out at a time.  This is not the case, FYI.) Working from home is not happening smoothly.  Reese decided she didn't want to nap peacefully.  Period.  End of story.  Reese exploded.  Reese was teething.  Dinner is definitely NOT made.  On those days, when Todd gets home from work, life's a sour lemon.  A real acidic, bitter lemon.  As soon as he waltzes through that door, it's like hot potato, and Reese is the potato.  I'm all, "Ohhhh emm geeee, FINALLY.  Take her.  It's your turn.  She needs to be fed.  And changed.  And played with."  Or I'm all, "The dishes, laundry, and house in general are getting out of control, can you handle that?"  And let's just say my demeanor is less than pleasant.

**Heavy sigh**

Just writing about it is incredibly exhausting.  Because then we fast forward to the end of my escapade, and I'm all, "I'm really sorry Todd."  And truth is...I really, really am.  I hate that I react that way on those days.  Because the fact of the matter is, he's really excited to come home at the end of the day.  He wants to relax and enjoy his family, just as much as I do.  

So ladies.

Maybe instead of hot potatoing those babies right into our husbands' laps when they waltz through the door, we can try to be just as thrilled to see him as we were when we first got married.  Maybe we can give him a big ol' smile, look him in the eyes, and be all, "I'm so glad you're home (insert Hubby here)."  Maybe we can be not so quick to throw our hands in the air in frustration, and insist that our day was worse than his.  Maybe when he asks how our day was, we can try to explain that we had a really hard day before we spout off, "I'm fine!" Or when he asks you what you did all day, we can try not to assume that what he's really saying is, "Have you just been sitting on your butt all day?  What did you even accomplish?"  Because ladies...that is not what he's asking.

The biggest favor we can do for ourselves is to try to be a little less defensive and a lot more loving.  That's what I know I need to do.

So this whole "shared parenting" thing.  Do we have it down?  Absolutely not.  Will we one day?  Probably not.  Can we try to be more loving throughout the process?  You better believe it.

Life-long Learning

Nona H. Brown, a frequent contributor to the LDS Relief Society Magazine, wrote... 

“If you are regretting lost opportunities of learning, start learning now. If you are mourning about something you did not accomplish, start working and planning something you can accomplish now. Some of the greatest books have been written, some of the finest paintings painted, some of the most wonderful inventions worked out by people well along in years, or seriously handicapped, or both. Milton was past fifty and blind when he sat down to complete his world famous epic. Benjamin Franklin was past fifty when he started the study of science and philosophy. Michelangelo said, "Yet I am learning," when he was past seventy. He finished the huge painting called the "Last Judgment" in the Sistine Chapel when he was a very old man. He died at eighty-nine. Tennyson wrote his favorite poem, "Crossing the Bar" when he was eighty-one. We can always do something worthwhile, no matter what our age or condition.” (“Look to This Day” by Nona H. Brown)

Dallin H. Oaks (a general authority of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) taught: “As Latter-day Saints we believe in education, and we have a philosophy about how and why we should pursue it. Our religious faith teaches us that we should seek learning by the spirit and that we have a stewardship to use our knowledge for the benefit of mankind….. An education is not limited to formal study. Lifelong learning can increase our ability to appreciate and relish the workings and beauty of the world around us. This kind of learning goes well beyond books and a selective use of new technology, such as the Internet. It includes artistic endeavors. It also includes experiences with people and places: conversations with friends, visits to museums and concerts, and opportunities for service. We should expand ourselves and enjoy the journey...The acquisition of knowledge is a lifelong, sacred activity, pleasing to our Heavenly Father.” (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “Learning and Latter day Saints,” Ensign, April 2009)

I've been thinking a lot about my dreams lately. What really "feeds my soul".  We talked about dreams and fulfilling our potential in Relief Society this past Sunday at church.  I was really grateful for the lesson.  I had a friend tell me that once she became a mom, she had three personas that she was trying to figure out how to balance.  The "Mom" her, the "Wife" her, and the "Her" her.  I don't know if that makes sense to you, but these days it's making perfect sense to me.  Trying to find the right balance and who I am now as a Mom/Wifey/Ashton is a new realm for me.  It's exciting!  But like navigating anything new, it comes with its ups and downs...and that lesson in church on Sunday really spoke to me!  

I have dreams.  Big dreams.  My children will have dreams.  Big dreams.  I hope they do anyways.  I want them to shoot for the stars without fear of failure.  I want to teach and show my children that their dreams are possible.  Their BIG ones.  That they have so much potential!  If I want them to believe that, I have to be brave and set an example.  Following your dreams can be scary and intimidating!  But I pray that with the guidance of Heavenly Father, I can navigate those dreams of mine.  

Even the big ones.      
Cheers to following your dreams!

XOXO

Silly Thoughts

I had a really wonderful conversation with a friend about not letting ourselves get caught up in keeping up with the Jones'.  We talked about why we do that to ourselves.  Is it a woman thing?  A wife thing?  Just a human thing?  Why do we feel like we have to do and be everything?  We have these unrealistic expectations for ourselves.  That we need to be perfect in every, single aspect of our lives, no table left unturned.  We came to the conclusion that there is no crime in wanting the life we create to be beautiful, as long as it does not consume us and that we remember what matters most. This has been in my heart pretty heavily lately, and I've really been trying to remember what matters most.  I came across a quote in the Pinteresting world that said, "Create a life that feels good on the inside, not one that looks good on the outside."  I want to create a life that feels good on the inside.  As I've tried to keep this on the "front burner", I've realized that when I take care of what matters most, which for me is connecting with God, reaching out to others (even in tiny ways), giving Reese all my love and attention during her waking hours, and spending quality time with Buns...when I do those things, I hit the pillow at night a happy woman.  BUT of course there are still duties around the house and at work that need my attention and let's face it, have to get done.  How do I balance everything?  That was my biggest concern after I had Reese...HOW THE "H-E-double hockey sticks" do I get done everything I need and want to get done?  How do women do it?!  I've finally learned that the most effective and realistic way for me to get things done, feel accomplished, and at the same time, not totally lose it at the end of the day, is to set small, attainable goals.  Ones that aren't going to make me feel like a failure if I don't finish.  I decided to say to myself that THIS is the ONE THING I want to accomplish today. If I accomplish THIS ONE THING, then I will be happy with myself at the end of the day.  So far, so good.  Not perfect, but good.  As I put the things that matter most first, everything else really does fall into place, even if that means not everything gets done.  Make sense? 

If it doesn't, there is this blogger I love that really hit the nail on the head for me...

"a few years back, as i was driving home from work, i had a silly thought that suddenly turned straight genius on me. i realized that all i really wanted was for my life to be beautiful. i wanted my home to be beautiful, i wanted my thoughts to be beautiful, i wanted my feelings to be beautiful. i wanted to create beauty in my life. if it was worth doing, i wanted it to be done beautifully. life didn't seem beautiful at the time, but i wanted it to. it was silly and shallow, until suddenly it wasn't. god created for us an insanely beautiful world. beauty around every corner. music, art, science. all beautiful. and loving families, a passion for learning, and a sense that we can have an impact on what surrounds us-- to me, that is beauty. and holy, for sure. so i stopped considering that desire shallow. i started to think of it as a way of honoring god, who is the one who created beauty to begin with, after all." 

via Natalie

I want to do just that...Honor God by creating a life that not only looks good on outside, but by creating a life that feels good on the inside.  I have things I enjoy and am passionate about, and by developing those passions, I am honoring God.  By remembering what matters most, loving my family with all of my heart and all of my time, I am honoring God.
   

2 Months

If you follow me on instagram this is basically the same updates, but our little princess is 2 months old!  Our little hoodrat loves her swing and to be wrapped up real tight when she's fighting sleep.  She's a healthy little chunkster with a 98th percentile-sized, Barrett head.  She loves talking to her momma and daddy, cooing like nobody's business, and it doesn't take much to get her to smile.  She's got seriously stanky gas and smiles in her sleep.  She takes after her momma and always calms down when Alicia Keys is on.  She is our little princess, and life is beautiful with her in it.  

One of my sister-in-laws sisters-in-law, Katie Jo, told me when I was pregnant that for her the 6-week mark was the magic number...when everything kind of fell into place and resembled a routine again.  She was right!  For me anyways!  Don't get me wrong, there are still the hang-ups and hiccups, but I feel like I've finally gotten the hang of it.  And when I say the hang of it, I don't in any way mean that the questions and concerns that come up ALL the time have stopped (because they haven't), but what I mean is that when they do come up, I've learned that it's okay to not have all the answers.  God has given us this beautiful girl and made me her momma.  I know that He is watching out for all three of us and that everything will go as it should.

Which brings me to something I've been thinking about lately.  

"It is what it is...until it's not."

Life is constantly changing for us these days (um hello, new baby).  Most recent is Todd's work schedule.  Right after we had Reese and he started his new semester, he got the most BO$$ schedule he's ever had at the Missionary Training Center.  He worked in the mornings, went to school during the day, came home for dinner, and weekends he was all mine (for the most part anyways-I shared him with his HW).  It was a great schedule, and I got into a routine which involved having him to myself all nights and weekends-"Huzzah!"  Well...because everything was going just as I wanted it to...his schedule changed...Duh!  Long story short, someone at his work quit, so he had to take over that person's schedule.  A.K.A. the suckiest schedule E'ER (or so I thought).  I seriously wanted to hunt that person down and demand a legitimate explanation for terminating his employment.  The day he told me, I picked him up from work after a particularly crazy day, and as soon as the words spilled from his mouth, I started bawling.  Yes folks, roller coaster emotions at their finest.  I was so mad.  We're talking serious rage.  It sounds pretty stupid to be so ticked about a schedule change (which has really not been bad at ALL and has actually been a huge blessing), but being a new mom, I felt like I finally was getting the hang of things and changing things up on me RIGHT after the most recent change (aka Reese) was NO BUENO.  But you learn to deal, and it's actually been the greatest change that ever could have happened to his schedule.  I actually think I get to see Buns more!  

I'm reaching that point that I come to sometimes when I blog where I don't want to finish the post because it's taking too long, so let me wrap this up... 

Moral of the story is that "it is what it is...until it isn't" is the truest, most accurate statement describing life ever.  And I'm going to embrace it.  When life hurtles lemons your direction, make lemonade, because before you know it, it's gonna throw oranges, apples, or poodles instead.

"Oy with the poodles already!"

Put your hands together for Reese Barrett:  

(obsessed is an understatement)

Progression

I love the following:

1.  This smile on our happy little princess.

2.  This quote.

3.  This idea.  Buns suggested we try to be more grateful throughout the day.  He tried this and so did I. Let me tell ya...the alarm couldn't have gone off at a more perfect time.  Give it a shot.

What I Believe

I thought this was an interesting article and answers a lot of questions about Mormons! Follow the link at the end to read the article.

via Mormon Newsroom

Click here to read about the core beliefs of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: Mormons 101.

Make the Most of Monday: Psalm 118:24

This morning I did not want to get out of bed because I felt like I had so much on my plate.  Denial is the best approach, yes? Haha, unfortunately I knew denial wouldn't go over so well today, so I hopped slugged out of bed and got myself over to the office for work.  At work now, things have slowed down quite a bit, so I get a lot of time to read.  I've been trying to use that time to do my scripture study.  With the first day of fall upon me (finally!!!!), I've been getting so excited about all things fall and all things Thanksgiving.  With Reese on her way in December though, I'm not going to lie, Thanksgiving is already being looked over! I thought about how much I love the Christmas season, Thanksgiving included.  It's just a happy, happy season, so full of love! I'm on cloud 9 during the holidays.  I wondered how I could better prepare for the holiday season this year though...I really want my focus to be on the Savior and others.  Cause let's be real...the holidays can also usher in a lot of selfishness, self-centered attitudes, and stress.  I want to avoid all things STRESS this season.  Then I came across this verse...PSALM 118:24.  I want to have this attitude everyday!  Everyday is a day sent from God.  Everyday has its purpose, and I want to find joy in the day to day (even Mondays that totally start off stressful!).  I've always wanted to spend the holiday season studying the life of the Savior, but I've never actually gotten around to it.  Something comes up, I forget, and before I know it Christmas has come and gone, and I feel like I've barely thought about my Savior at all!  So here's me committing on social media to learn more about my Savior starting now!  Mondays I'll really try (I've learned to never make promises on blogs because I almost always fail to follow through haha) to post something I'm studying or learning about the Savior.

Cheers to Manic Mondays!