Vulnerability

All my babes are sound asleep right now (hubby included on his day off from school), so I thought I'd share something that I've been reading lately.  "Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, and empathy."  My sister in law recommended the book, Daring Greatly, to me, and I have only just started to really delve into it.  And I wish I would've done so earlier!  It's SO good, and a really interesting and meaningful topic for me.  I'm only a few chapters into it, but she's been talking a lot about vulnerability.  Brene Brown says, "Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences."  She talks about how connection is the reason that we're here on this earth.  We are meant to connect with others.  It gives us purpose and meaning.  I couldn't agree more!  The most meaningful relationships in my life are the ones where we've both embraced vulnerability.  Which can be really, really hard sometimes!!  There are few things I am more grateful for though than honesty and openness from people around me.  I can think of a handful of people in my life who "pro vulnerability embracers".  They aren't afraid to talk about the hard things, and they definitely aren't afraid to listen to the hard things.  They are genuine and compassionate.  They laugh, and they cry.  They truly empathize.  I'm realizing as I get older that this is actually a real scarcity.  Those people are getting harder and harder to find!  I've been thinking about those friends and family in my life who are humble, understanding, and recognize that they're not perfect.  They are open about flaws and concerns they have.  When they embrace those imperfections and use them to learn and better themselves, it allows and encourages me to do the same.  It creates a safe space for me, and it's so refreshing!  I feel like I can kick up my feet, and be myself.  

I loved the story in the video where Brene Brown talks about a situation when say your daughter comes homes from school and tells you that she is having a hard time finding friends and no one wants to sit with her at lunch.  In order to be truly empathetic you have to be vulnerable!  You have to dig deep and go back to that time you were friendless or didn't have anyone to sit with.  You have to dig deep to show that you understand.  That it's hard.  That what you're going through is really hard.  And sometimes that's it!  You don't always need to fix the situation.  That's not what people are always looking for.  Sometimes you fix the situation by just listening, relating to, and empathizing.  That is one of the bests medicines for any mental or emotional ailment in my opinion.  Feeling like you are truly understood.  That you're not the only one.  That people can relate.

My favorite part of the book so far though is her connection of being vulnerable to living a "wholehearted" life.  She says, 

"Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.  It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, 'No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.' It's going to bed at night thinking, 'Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.'"

Cheers to being more vulnerable.  To finding ways to be more empathetic and understanding of those around me.

♥, Ashton

Footsies for the Win

Buns and I are sitting here watching the NBA All-Star game.  I love this game.  Yeah so they don't play for real most of the game and the defense is crappy, but without fail, they can never hide the competitiveness in the fourth quarter.  And Ariana did the halftime show, so it was a success.  I've been sitting here itching to write.  I haven't felt that way in forever!  So I thought I'd take the opportunity while I feelin' it, haha.

If you would have asked me how things were going about 4 days ago, I would have said BUUUSSYYY.  For my better half anyways.  Buns was running around like a madman getting everything done that he needed to for work, school, midterms, PT volunteering, church calling, GRE studying, GRE class, etc...  Poor guy couldn't catch a breath.  Then Thursday morning hit.

Todd woke up at around 5am not feeling well at all.  His stomach was sloshy and felt like he had been hit by a truck.  Proceed to lots of throwing up, getting dehydrated, and off we went to the ER!  They hooked him up to an IV, and he started feeling better immediately.  Sure enough he had a stomach bug.  Reese and I did laps in her stroller in the waiting room, while we waited for Buns to be done.  Then we were on our way!  And sure enough on the way home...I started feeling "sloshy".

Cue my stomach bug.

Needless to say most of Thursday and Friday Todd and I were banished to the couches.  Poor Reese was probably like man my parents are boring today!  Haha.  We were praying that Reese would miss out on this lovely illness.  The weekend passed, and we thought we were in the clear, but poor Roni battled a bad fever all evening and night.  Last night she threw up, and let me tell you, it was heartbreaking!  We've never had her really throw up before!  Let's be real, as gross as spit up is, it's nothing like your little one throwing up.  So we snuggled her up in bed with us and called it a night.  

Let's just say there will be lots of reading, Sesame Street, and snuggles today.  Everything else can wait.

Valentine's Day needless to say was extremely low key with us sickies in recovery mode, but we still found a way to celebrate.  Started off by showering!  Haha, let the festivities begin!  But for real.  We took turns took taking really long showers while the other watched Reese.  Let's just say it had been a couple days for these sickies.  I even curled my hair for the night of footsies (explanation to come).  We exchanged gifts, watched Sesame Street with Roni, took her to get ice cream and a pink balloon, went on my favorite drive up the canyon listening to Buns' latest favorite John Mayer, ordered in Olive Garden after Reese went to bed, and redboxed a real romance...The Mazerunner.  (Also the first book of a trilogy).  It was so good!  I had been dying to see it ever since it came out in theaters because I love that series, so when I saw that it was in Red Box, Buns let me have my way.  Turns out he loved it too!  During the movie things got real hot and heavy.  But for real, we were so hot and still feeling a little icky, so snuggling was off our radar.  We kept it romantic though and made sure to align our feet just right on our separate couches, so we could touch toes and play footsie at all the romantic parts of the film.  A.k.a. The part when the Griever gets squashed in between the changed maze walls or when that kid Ben gets "stung," finds Thomas in the woods, and tries to kill him.  So much love in the club.

I hope y'all had a wonderful Valentine's day and got to spend it with people you love, no matter who that may be!  

♥, Ashton Tilton

 P.S.  Just in case you wanted a sneak peak into our romantic evening, here's the trailer of The Mazerunner!  It was so good!  They stayed pretty dang close to the book too.

What I'm Reading

Good books lately have been hard to come by for me.  Finding a book that keeps me interested and entertained.  It's typically gotta reel me in from the very beginning unless I've heard a book is amazing from someone else and then I usually give a chance for longer than I would have otherwise.  This way of reading books though has left me frustrated lately haha.  I don't seem to get very far in anything I try to pick up and read.  So I'm going to try something...finishing a book even if it's a little painful in the beginning!  I've always wanted to read Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell, but the library is out and the book is on 12 holds, GAH.  So I got another book I heard was pretty good by that author called Landline.  

Here's the gist of the book via Amazon...

"From New York Times bestselling author of Eleanor & Park and Fangirl, Rainbow Rowell, comes a hilarious, heart-wrenching take on love, marriage, and magic phones.Georgie McCool knows her marriage is in trouble. That it’s been in trouble for a long time. She still loves her husband, Neal, and Neal still loves her, deeply—but that almost seems beside the point now.

Maybe that was always beside the point.

Two days before they’re supposed to visit Neal’s family in Omaha for Christmas, Georgie tells Neal that she can’t go. She’s a TV writer, and something’s come up on her show; she has to stay in Los Angeles. She knows that Neal will be upset with her—Neal is always a little upset with Georgie—but she doesn’t expect to him to pack up the kids and go without her.

When her husband and the kids leave for the airport, Georgie wonders if she’s finally done it. If she’s ruined everything.

That night, Georgie discovers a way to communicate with Neal in the past. It’s not time travel, not exactly, but she feels like she’s been given an opportunity to fix her marriage before it starts. . . .

Is that what she’s supposed to do?

Or would Georgie and Neal be better off if their marriage never happened?"

Hopefully it's dramatic, funny, entertaining, and touching all in one!  Haha.  I'll keep ya posted on how I like it!  Like I did with Hands Free Mama...oh wait. {laughing-so-hard-I'm-crying emoji}

On another note, who's watching The Bachelor???  I used to be obsessed with the show but haven't watched it in a couple years.  I started up watching it again this season, and I'm freaking hooked.  Oh the drama!!! Hahaha.  I won't even try to recap, but if you watch the show, check out I Hate Green Beans.  Sit back and laugh.  You'll thank me later.  

♥, Ashton Tilton 

 

Hands Free Mama Book Chat: Introduction

I have been trying to nail down a good book to read for quite some time now y'all.  I feel like every book I've picked up in the last month, I read a couple of chapters or even just a few pages, and I just couldn't get into it.  This happens to me from time to time with reading.  I can't find a book that satisfies the need I'm looking to fill.  Recently I've picked up everything from self-help to sci-fi to romance to biography, and nothing seemed to fit!

A couple of months ago, I was in the grocery store, and a book caught my eye.  It was called "Hands Free Mama".  Can you guess why it did?  That's right y'all, I am addicted to my phone.  Not that I look at it all the time (okay, okay what's your definition of "all the time"?), but I have to have it with me.  If it's not with me, I'm in a state of panic to find it to make sure I haven't missed any calls or texts or heaven forbid any snaps.  Needless to say, the whole "Hands Free Mama" enticed me.  

So I bought it.  I drove back home from the grocery store, and opened it up to get my read on.  And of course, I liked what the book had to say.  The introduction talked about how to be a Hands Free Mama in our "fast-paced, overly pressured, media-saturated world."  I found myself nodding my head, and as I read on, I thought, "Well that's a nice thought," or "Good for her for doing that."  

At that point, the Hands Free Movement didn't mean anything to me quite yet.  I bought the book because I knew I liked the concept of what she was trying to say, but I wasn't ready to commit to this whole Hands Free Movement quite yet.  

So I put the book on our bookshelf, until last week I picked it up again and knew without hesitation...I was ready to commit.

Life ever since Todd started school again has been hectic to say the least.  Usually by this time in a new semester, I feel like I've adjusted to his new schedule (our new schedule) and have a pretty good handle on things.  Not so much this semester.  I feel like Todd's busier than ever, I'm busier than ever, and our lives are a constant high speed.  From work responsibilities to church responsibilities to home responsibilities to family responsibilities and all the random stuff that fills every nook and cranny possible, we're both worn thin.  I often ask myself (like someone made mention in LDS General Conference), "Does my family receive my leftover efforts as a parent?"  

When I thought about whether or not Reese gets my "leftover efforts" as a parent and if Todd gets my "leftover efforts" as a wife, I did some serious digging and felt that it was time to resurrect "Hands Free Mama" by Rachel Stafford.  After reading the first couple of chapters, without trying to sound too dramatic, I was left in a puddle of tears and really felt like I was ready to commit to taking charge of my life again.  Not so much cutting out social media for good because let's be real, it also brings me so much joy to document our life through blogging and Instagram.  I love capturing moments with my family that I can look back on and relive forever.  But there will be balance.  And it will not be the most important.  

As I've thought about this, I thought sharing and recording my journey through this book would be more fulfilling to me and make it more meaningful.  It would allow me to look back on my journey and see how I've grown.  Plus any time I've made a significant effort to pursue a change or some sort of growth, it always seems to go better and stick longer if I do it with others.  Which is where you come in!

I want to extend the invitation to YOU.  This journey is not just for those who feel they are consumed by a media-saturated world.  This is a journey for anyone who feels like their life has lost its savor and maybe a little meaning.  Or that you've lost the ability to see its meaning and beauty.  This is a journey for anyone who is ready to "let go of perfection to grasp what really matters"!  

I will be having weekly posts about my progress.  The sweets of the journey and the sours of the journey.  The things that are easy and the things that are hard.  I'll be sharing personal insights I get from the book, and I hope you will join in some of the conversation!  If you're really feeling dedicated to the change, you can get the book here.  You can also check out Rachel Stafford's blog on being a Hands Free Mama here.  She is one heck of a woman, and her blog is inspiring.  One definitely worth your time to read.  

"May this book be your tool to start digging.  Digging for the life you want to live now, not someday."

When I read this at the end of the introduction, my heart surged.  Seriously.  It was on fire.  I knew I needed this in my life right now!  

Are you ready?  Ready to commit to letting go and embracing what matters most?  If you feel so inspired, join me on this journey!  I'd love to have you.  Here is the Hands Free Mama Pledge that I vow to hold dear to my heart.  The pledge that holds hope for the future and a promise that life is to be lived and to be lived whole-heartedly.

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I hope you have a lovely day y'all!  Cheers to letting go.

❤, Ashton Tilton