Just Call Me Gregg. Gregg Popovich.

Guilty as Charged:  Oh yeah folks.  Don't be decieved by that little face.  No siree, don't let her get ya.  Spittin' all her food out.  Clingin' to me like crazy.  Climbin' up stuff and nailin' her head on all sorts of furniture.  Naps were at the bottom of her to-do list today and at the top of mine.  She was bein' a bit of a punk today.  But I guess I would know...I was bein' a punk too.  Dang it.

Today, I was a brat.  Have you ever had one of those days?  Everything is taken the wrong way, you lash out, and maybe say something you know you'll regret?  Well I really hate to say it, but yesterday was that day for me.  Like...I really hate to say it.  After "the incident" (I'll tell in a second), I was so embarrassed, I cried.  Sweet merciful, PMS anyone?  So here goes...my embarrassing "incident".  

As my sister-in-law in would say, yesterday I was at a rapid boil.  I was running around trying to get errands done, and Reese was doing actually really great, but when we got to the mall (our first stop), I pulled out the stroller and sure enough it would not open.  I don't have to tell you how much that sucked.  My 25 lb babe can do the talking for that one.  By the time we finished in the mall, my left arm was so sore I thought it was going to fall off.  #butforreal.  And I wasn't even halfway done with the errands I needed to do.  Oh...and I had sweaty tacos.  Sweet. 

The time came to go pick up Buns from work, so off we went.  Todd got off early, and I was stoked about it. As I pulled up to pick him up, I got in the back because Reese was freaking out.  5 minutes go by, no Buns.  Reese spits binky out repeatedly in between screams.  15 minutes go by, no Buns.  Reese is red as a tomato from all the crying.  A half hour later, and I'm ready to ditch Todd to fend for himself.  Love that man, but not so much when he's 30 minutes later than when he said, and Reese is having a meltdown because I'm a horrible mom and skipped out on her afternoon nap.  

Right as I'm ready to leave, Todd opens the door to the car and gets in.  As soon as he got in, I was just glad he was finally there, and my rapid boil was at a simmer.  And then the incident began...

Right as Todd got in the car, I got a text from a tenant of the complex I manage asking where I was?  I was supposed to check out a tenant that day but had called and texted them earlier letting them know I was taking a 4-day weekend for Labor Day per my boss.  He was taking off Friday and told me that I could too.  Well, obviously this tenant didn't get the message.  I told him I was sorry but that I would be unable to meet for check out, so just to leave the keys to the apartment in the dropbox.

And then he got upset.  He wanted to be there with me when I checked them out and was mad that I didn't contact him personally.  I had called his wife and asked that she relay the message because I didn't have his number.  He didn't want to be held responsible for any unnecessary charges I might add.

Cue my composure flying right out the window.  Who the haaaaaail did this guy think he was?  And y'all...I lost it.  My walls went up, and I was ready to throw down.  Am I allowed to attribute 75% of that behavior on PMS?  Please tell me I'm not the only one??

To make a long story short, I was extremely rude and ended up agreeing to meet them at "my inconvenience".  WHO AM I?  Freaking Gregg Popovich, that's who.

So there I was walking through their apartment with the wife and being a total....well, another word for bum+hat.  Sorry, but that's the perfect description.  (Geeeez I'm kind of regretting writing this now, but admitting it is the first step to recovery right? Haha...insert nervous laugh here)

And that's that.  We finished, they passed, she gave me the key, and it was done.

I walked home to Todd, came in the door, and you know that really grimy, heavy, horrible feeling you get after you know you said or did something you'd regret?  As I walked into our house, I swear it was like someone dumped the green slime from that old school Nickelodeon game show "Figure It Out" right on me as I walked through our front door (click here).  I finally came down off of that entitled ledge I was sitting on and realized just how incredibly rude and ridiculous I had been.  Ohhhh the wave of embarrassment.  Ohhhh the guilt.  And there was Reese sittin' on her romp, smilin' all big and beautiful and innocent at me.  Cue second bucket of slime.  I felt like in a weird way that I had let Reese down.  That I was a bad example and a bad mom.  Is that the kind of example I wanted to set for Reese?  Is that how I wanted her to learn to react when people do things that tick you off?  Do I want her to get up on that ledge of entitlement, thinking that because she was wronged it gives her the right to be mean and rude?  Yeah...I really nailed that one.  Thumbs up momma.  

You know what?  I failed.  I failed pretty epicly.  I lost it.  I let my anger take over and really acted in a selfish way.  I've been thinking about what happened ever since yesterday.  It really bothered me.  I tried to think through the exact moment that I turned into a witch and why, and I came to the conclusion that the moment I felt the finger was being pointed at me, that's when this switch went off.  It was like I turned off my brain and totally let my heart and emotions do the thinking.  That can be bad mojo y'all!  If I would've let my brain do the thinking, I would've thought through the possible outcomes of behaving rashly and rudely.  I would've thought to myself, "You know what, they obviously didn't get the message in time, and if I were them I would want to be there during check out because money can be tight, and they probably want to make sure that if anything wasn't cleaned properly, they can fix it before the deposit refunds are sent back out.  They probably wanted to spend time together on a Friday night too and were bothered that they came all the way out to do check out, and I wasn't there.  You know...they're only human too Ashton, and maybe it was a rough day for them, and that was just one more thing that went wrong, pushing them over the edge. Maybe they just needed to be given a break.  Just like you."  

Bottom line...you just never know what people are going through.  Bottom line, everyone deserves a little more benefit of the doubt.  And even if they don't deserve it...who cares?  Be the better person.  Take the higher ground.  Be kind and understanding and a little less judgmental.  Be slow to anger and quick to forgive and understand.  Be a friend.  Be a true friend.

Maybe you have something you regret saying or doing.  Maybe you acted a little rashly or rudely.  Well, as you now know, you're not the only one!  But you're human like the rest of us, and all it takes is an apology.  And that can be hard.  That can be really hard.  But I promise it's worth it.  Not because they'll necessarily forgive you right away, but because it's good for your soul.  Forgiveness, whether being offered or received, is freeing and beautiful.  So, cheers to forgiveness and cheers to being able to try, try, and try again.  Cheers to imperfections.  Cheers to sometimes losing it.  But most importantly, cheers to change and trying to be a little better each day.

Have a beautiful weekend y'all.
❤, Ashton Tilton

P.S. Thanks for the support y'all give me.  Your comments and emails always mean the world to me.  You remind me that I'm not the only one who sucks at life sometimes, haha.  So thanks, youda best!

California: Santa Monica Pier

Santa Monica Pier:  After The Groves and LA's Museum of the Holocaust, Todd and I went to the Santa Monica Pier.  When we were walking down to the pier,  we ran into Shaq from Kazaam.  He moved on from being a genie to a snake whisperer.  I dared Todd to see if Kazaam would let him put the snakes around his neck.  And he did!  Haha.  Kazaam kept calling Todd Matt Damon and asking me if he wanted Todd to become an ex-boyfriend as he wrapped the snake around Todd's neck.  Yikes!  I hate snakes so much.  Hate them.  I wasn't gonna go near the things (which obviously I did, but we'll get to that later). 

After our encounter with Kazaam, we walked down the pier and hit up the ferris wheel.  Y'all: I have never been on a ferris wheel before!  And it's always been on my bucket list (big things poppin right??), so up we went!  I was surprised at how long they let you go around, and they stopped it when we were at the very top, so we got to see down the coast and the end of the pier.  It was beautiful, and I said it about The Groves, but the weather really couldn't have been more perfect that day.  After the ferris wheel, we went and got ice cream from Pier Burger.  I got caramel ice cream with Heath bar, and Todd got a banana strawberry shake.  We were in heaven.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I am obsessed with ice cream.  I blame it on my dad.  

Once we got our ice cream we sat outside and enjoyed the view.  Finally after savoring every last lick of that ice cream, we walked down the pier.  There were all these fun kiosks, and it kept bringing me back to when I was little and we would go to Virginia Beach and walk up and down the boardwalk.  I loved it.  Once we got to the end of the boardwalk, there was a little family performing in front of this "arena" (for lack of better description) where you could sit and watch them.  They were amazing.  So there we were sitting and watching this dad play his ukelele while his two daughters (T&T) sang renditions of popular songs, and I kept thinking how my heart really is at the beach.  I would love to live by the beach someday.  The people, the atmosphere, the weather, the sand, the ocean...my heart was full.  We sat there for a half hour just enjoying the music and the view.  Loved spending that time with Todd.  

On our way back up the pier, we ran into a different snake whisperer, and earlier after poking and prodding from Todd, I promised that if he was still there when we left, I would put a snake around my neck.  And of course, there they were.  The snakes.  I got mad immediately at Todd haha and walked past them because there was no way in H#$* I was putting a snake around my neck.  I really didn't think they would still be there and just said it to get Todd off my back about it.  Finally after making probably a bit of a scene, Todd went over and asked if I could put a snake around my neck.  In my head, I was all, "Please say no, please say no, please say no."  And the guy was all, "Of course!"  GREAT.

Before I knew it, I had a big snake around my neck.  And you guys...they are oily and gross and heavy.  I will never do that again.  Once in a lifetime is more than plenty for me!  Ha!  But I will say it was pretty cool to overcome my fear for a few seconds.  It was emotional haha.  Bottom line is it was a great day with a great man, and I will never forget that time together.  Love my Buns!

XO, Ashton Tilton

California: Zuma Beach

The beach. Words can't even describe how amazing it was to be back at the beach.  My parents and brother Todd drove from Tennessee to Virginia Beach this summer, and I had wished so badly we could have made it.  They sent some pictures from the beach, and my heart ached for my family and the beach.  I've really missed them this summer, and it sounds a little silly but visiting the beach in California made me feel close to them.  We went to the beach all the time growing up.  I grew up in Virginia until high school, and we always went to Virginia Beach.  We just hung out there all day everyday.  It was glorious.  Gosh, I'm getting all teary-eyed even writing about it.  We would bring our beach chairs up to the edge of where the ocean and beach met and would let the waves crash on our toes.  I remember being amazed at what the salt water did to the sand as it receded back into the ocean, leaving imprints in the wet sand.  My mom always says that two of God's greatest creations are the sand and sea.    

I remember throwing a football with my dad and brothers.  We would make runs and play defense on each other trying to swat the football out of each others hands or make a sweet interception.  The beach will always remind me of my parents.  I miss them.  Then we would walk up the boardwalk.  Walk and walk and walk.  I loved it.  We'd pop in on some shops and look at all the funny souvenirs.  And we'd always wrap it up with some ice cream.  Dad wouldn't have it any other way.  I attribute my love for ice cream to my dad.  

When we went to Zuma Beach in California with my sister-in-law Heidi and her family, needless to say, I thought of my own family.  A lot.  I missed them so badly but had a blast with Heidi, Ben, and their beautiful family.  Plus it was fun to create some new memories with my own little family.  

There's a picture of my dad with me as a little baby at the edge of the beach.  He's holding my hand and pointing out to the ocean.  In the photo, my head is just as bald as Reese's is now.  I thought of that picture, as I watched Todd carry Reese into the water and walk down the shore with her in tow.  It was really sweet to see.  I love my family.  I can't even describe how much I love to spend time with them and be with them.  Nothing brings me more joy than watching my baby girl and her daddy spend time together.  Todd was really cute with Reese, and it was fun for both of us to experience the beach with her.  Her very first beach visit!  And many more to come.  

Aside from my own family, we were in great company.  I couldn't have asked for more relaxing days at the beach with great people.  Ben and Heidi are hilarious, kind, and so easy to talk to.  I felt a bit of a connection to them as they busted out some speakers and a little John Mayer.  Oh how I love me some John Mayer.

Elsie, Teddy, and Maddie were really fun to watch too.  They play so well together and each have their own unique personality.  It made me so excited to see how our family will grow over time and how our kids will come into their own.  How they will grow and how their personalities will start to shine through.  I can't wait!

Everyday at the beach, Reese loved it!  Not one complaint.  She was soaking up the rays, playing with her toys, and eating sand.  When it was time for naps we walked her up the beach in the ergo carrier and she was OUT.  Once we came back though, we tried to put her to sleep in the pack n play under an umbrella on the beach, but she couldn't quite get to sleep again with all the excitement going on around her.  But we just left her in there to play with her toys, and she was happy as a clam.  Love our little girl.  She seriously was happy as can be.  She was constantly smiling and just happy to be there!  It made it such an enjoyable time, and we were grateful!  We were a little worried about being at the beach all day because of naps, but she was a champ. 

Man, just talking about it, makes me wanna pack up camp and head back to the beach for good.  Maybe one day!  

Hope y'all have a great day, and find time to enjoy the little things around you.  I'm trying to do that more lately.  Trying to make my days more meaningful and spend more quality time with the people I love.  

Happy Wednesday Y'all!

XO, Ashton Tilton